Thoughts brewing...mixed emotions...

2007-04-22T20:48:00.000+08:00

by the way.

if you guys are still hanging around this blog (although I think it's highly unlikely) in hopes that I will somehow post my new blog url here, don't.

It's no use waiting because I won't ever put it up here and if you want to know it you have to ask me yourself but that doesn't mean I will tell you either.

haha, say I'm evil, but the only reason why I shut down this blog (or kind of) is because too many people were reading it. Like alot of unknown people and that gets creepy sometimes.

So long people, and happy searching =)

<3 sho

2007-04-07T22:41:00.000+08:00

This is my 200th post.

_____ really makes me want to cry.

huh. what a thing to say on the 200th post.

Sec 2 is harder than i thought, i guess. I thought I could just breeze through sec 2 with a huge smile onmy face, be happy, be happy, smile, etc.

sounds like one of those things they tell you to do when you're ushering parents for some important occasion. even if your court shoes hurt like hell, smile. even if your vest and tie is making you suffocate, smile.

im not insulting psb uniform okay. i'm just giving scenarios.

anyway back to the point. it's not that I can't breeze through sec 2 being positive. I can, but sometimes situations seriously don't call for it.

sometimes i take being happy in front of people as a sign of being insensitive and i tend to confuse being happy to being fake. when i'm really genuinely happy and not fake.

quote niel: if i'm not sad, i'm happy. not as in the =D happy, but i'm just glad i'm not sad.

maybe i should be more thankful and stop doubting myself and such.

okay. i'm thankful i'm not depressed and i'm thankful for the nice people aroundme.

i'm moving to lj. bye to this blog =)

2007-04-05T16:32:00.000+08:00

you know.

Chinwei is a really scary person to have arguments/debates with. Because she is a really opinionated person.

Not that I'm not one. It's just that I'm not as fierce and verbal.

Rachel was asking me today how I stay so cheerful and optimistic and calm. And I was like, I am? o_O

I admit that my confidence problem from last year is kind of non-existent already, which is yay for me lah xP whoots.

We have to retake TKMB. I haven't told my dad yet. He's sure gonna be damn pissed.

I'm being super random today. heh.

on another subject.

I wish there weren't any dividing lines between seniors and juniors. Of course basic stuff still apply lah, like how jnrs should respect snrs and how snrs should not ill-treat jnrs, but sometimes I feel a little sad and uneasy if the seniors talk to the jnrs in one way, then turn around and talk to their own batch in a totally different way.

that happened in judo, but I won't say much about it ><

Like isn't it weird if a senior asks a junior out for lunch and vice versa? I mean, isn't it not done? Can do, but it's kinda against social conduct and stuff.

Sometimes I wish jnrs and snrs could just be friends and break down all barriers.

I'm already beginning to think I'm weird for telling my mortal(s) that we must go out one day ><

techinically it's not wrong. It's just not done x/

2007-04-04T17:36:00.000+08:00

yo!

mama.

-.-"

now chinwei says we should have ordered a nametag saying "passion-play" instead of "no backward glances" T.T I told her passion-play was just Andrew Lloyd Webber's way of describing copulation, and Chinwei said not really.

heh come to think of it, not really lah.

I tried a push pop today, wondering what was so nice about it since people were eating it all over the place. surprisingly it was nicer than i thought. Shelley said that we were kinda like way past that age, but who cares ^^ eat this thing in the canteen in front of half the school population must have thick skin xD

speaking of the copulation thing i mentioned earlier, today i was on the bus coming back from gb, and i heard a bunch of cjc guys talking, and one of them said: ...had sex with his grandmother. And I was like

O____________________O

Talk so loud for what?!

xP

2007-04-03T15:57:00.000+08:00

hello =D

you know I guess that when you're sad and stuff, just a pat on the shoulder and an "it's okay" is sufficient =)

yesterday when the cheerleaders didn't get into top 3 they were crying (or most were) and I had no idea what to say to them because I don't know anyone in the waddle cheerleading team, expect for ame and denise and shijin, and even then I'm not very close to either of them. and i barely know shijin o_O

and I felt really sad, for myself mostly, which is selfish, because I couldn't comfort people.

but as i hugged ame and stuff and told her it was okay i just had this comforting sense and "qi shi" that everything was actually really okay, and that sometimes, people appreciate the little things you do for them.

i sound so ego ><

sometimes the words "it's okay" can sound terribly comforting =) although it sounds really cliche and all, but sometimes i think it's better not to say to much when people are upset.

rs today was a waste of time >< it's super distracting to be in the ks chee and i can never concentrate when mr slatter's talking x/

ohwells. and today i made a nametag that says "no back ward glances". heh, phantom of the opera influence. sharing it with chinwei. she wanted "no use resisting" but i thought it sounded wrong and weird and such and stuff like " the final threshold" or "one final question" sounded very weird ^^ so "no backward glances" it is xD

hmm i might consider switching to lj.

2007-04-01T19:36:00.000+08:00

I'm very disappointed with my sister.

I'm sorry I had to say this after weeks of not blogging. but i really am very disappointed with her.

why?

because she is a compulsive liar.

so how?

what happened was this afternoon my mum was going frenziedly mad over a missing box of chocolates in the fridge -.-" yes sounds stupid, and i think it is too, but that's my mum, and she's a petty person. apparently my dad said she was "yelling through the phone" so it was evident she was pretty pissed. so my dad asked the both us of if we touched the chocolate at all. i said no--although i saw it in the fridge before i just left it there. my sister said she had no idea which box of chocolate he was talking about and denied the fact that she ate it since she didn't even know in the first place. fine. my dad believed her

we went home with heavy hearts knowing that we would get hell from our mum when we got back. okay sounds like a drama T.T so the whole interrogation process repeated itself, and at that moment i went to the piano and opened the lid so i could practice, and starting taking the books out of the pile on top of the piano. AND THEN SUDDENLY. alot of ferrero rocher (that was the chocolate) wrappers started flying out as i removed the books. wah biang gave me a fright okay! and my mum happened to be 1 metre away from me looking into the kitchen. her back turned to me of course. so i quickly hid the wrappers, and i had a strong feeling that it was my sister who polished off the whole box.

more interrogation, maid implied that my sister ate the whole box by herself.

mum didn't blow up. surprsingly. i think she gave up.

dad blew up.

i hate liars.

especially when they can lie without batting an eyelid.

especially when they're being scolded and they still have that " I don't give a damn, I 'm good at lying and will continue it" expression on their face.

and especially when they don't feel any sense of guilt when they lie and do it AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.

sometimes i detest my sister. for her character.

i wish one day someone tramples on her inflating ego so that she will WAKE UP and realise that she is screwed.

what's wrong with her.

goodbye.

2007-03-19T18:12:00.000+08:00

hey

you know there are some days when i feel diao and pissed and moody. for no apparent reason.

like today -.-"

grah. i really hate complaining, because not only does it make me miserable, it also makes the people around me sian because they're listening to me whine. so forget it.

anyway. i think i'm becoming dao-er and dao-er. which isn't exactly a good thing, but I do actually like showing off a bit of attitude once in a while >< i find pleasure in opening the busybees classroom door with a qianbian sian expression on my face, walking to my seat, flopping myself onto the chair, burying my head in my hands and sleeping. but i only manage half of that because most of the time the teacher is already in class and i cannot sleep -.-"

somehow or other i have this growing attachment towards gb. maybe because of camp lah, but seriously, it's not so bad anymore. i'm not sure if im attracted because of the company or my squad or the actual worship, but i can safely say now that GB is no longer a waste of time =D devotion is interesting, believe it or not. so is badgework. and worship is refreshing =) and bonding time just rocks xD

as i branch out to make more friends, sometimes i ask myself if i do actually have a few close friends whom i stick to. and i dont know how to answer that question. because people like weiqing and shzehui and so on are in other classes so i dont really get to see them as often as i would like to, so i am "forced" (okay not really because i don't really mind) to make new friends, and in the process i unconciously drift away from them.

maybe deep down inside weiqing is still one of my closest friends, but i wouldn't not be able to survive without her. not meant as an offensive statement of course. but last time i had this mentality that without my good friends i would die.

now my social circle has widened, but i'm not sure if the friendships are true, so most of the time now i stick to "just okay" friends. sometimes you need to learn to trust, and you also need to learn how to hold back your trust. last time, i trusted too much, and got hurt. not that i am superultra careful about making friends, and not that im paranoid either, but i don't let them too near me unless they've proven to me in their own way that they're sincere.

for people like weiqing, it's different. i'm not being biased okay. even though we hardly talk i know i can trust her. that is because of the foundations that we have built up before.

so sometimes dewin is right about saying that he is closer to himself. i think i am too.

this was a really random post ><

<3 sho

2007-03-16T13:50:00.000+08:00

forget the pissy post =D i feel better now and i dont think a doctor is necessary. oh that's alliteration! whee~

i just found pics of lee jun ki. he's damn pretty ^^

i love this one ><

this looks so real =P

king and the clown stuff. he looks really pretty in the movie, almost like a girl ;D

whoa. such flawless skin x/

byebye =D

2007-03-16T13:08:00.001+08:00

im pretty pissed with blogger. it keeps deleting my posts.

such that i dont feel like reposting anything

grah. i feel shitty now because i have sore throat+flu+headache+teary eyes. I complain too much

nevermind. I must be thankful. Thankful that my dad gave me money to see a doctor so I can get well again. there, optimism.

am i a pessimistic person?

-shona

2007-03-07T17:14:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wish i had more faith and was more devoted.

i remember last year there was one point where i was really passionate about God and everything and was very passionate about school cell and even persuaded my parents countless times for us to go to church.

but now. all that seems to have disappeared. now not only have i become more detached, i kinda find that my prayers every night have no meaning. like im just praying for the sake of praying and fulfilling duties. then like that might as well don't pray. and i feel very bad because sometimes the phrase "oh my god" escapes my mouth without me realising, and sometimes when i curse the phrase "goddamn" pops up in my head for some reason when it SHOULDN'T BE. maybe it's satan playing tricks on me again and shaking my faith because now i'm not so devout. but i'm not going to fall for that.

which is exactly why i want my faith and passion back. last year even though i was really stressed up at that point because of school and peetees, i felt really blessed because i could feel God in my life.

now i can't feel his presence anymore.

but i'm kind of like at a dead end here. on one hand i want to improve my christian life, and on the other hand i don't know how to start, and sometimes i tell myself that i have better things to do. but what the heck, i feel quite desperate now. even GB isn't helping, and i've even gone to the extent of saying that GB can be a waste of time.

this is REALLY REALLY bad.

i was telling Jo-Ann today, there's a big cross hanging on my front door, but what's the meaning in it if you don't believe in it? then what's the point of proclaiming to the world that you're a christian? because if you don't have any faith in that cross the word "christian" is just a label. which has absolutely no meaning.

i want my passion back and i'm going to try my best to get it back okay.

<3 sho

2007-03-06T17:21:00.000+08:00

hey

ten more posts to 200 posts, and including this it'll be nine.

sometimes i really wonder if i should continue blogging on this blog or change the blog and tell only a few people.

i know alot of people are reading my blog but i can't blame them because having people read your blog is part and parcel of blogging. and you can't shoo them away because they have the right to anyway because in cyberspace nothing is private.

but then i still feel that too many people are reading it and i can't actually put personal (as in really personal) thoughts down.

like ever since this year so many people have been reading my blog. my juniors for example. not taht i dont allow them to. im fine with it. just that got alot of unknown people like dewin (but i know who you are now) and stuff like that. gets creepy sometimes.

i wanted this week to be over and OVER.

i feel like smashing balls against a squash wall with my LEFT hand xD i feel sian.

<3 sho

2007-03-01T16:52:00.000+08:00

whoots im in the mood to continue the last fifty xD

51. i had history test yesterday. i'm worrying on and off if i'm going to fail it because i think i screwed up the usefulness question.
52. if i screw up there goes 15% for history >< then i won't get my 4.0. grr.
53. i have 6 tests next week x/ math geog chinese 2 mep tests and outside theory grd 6 exam. stupid.
54. i have a strong feeling that i'll be too busy to write to my mortals. so better write to elaine tomorrow.
55. i'm listening to korean music now xD
56. just now i received this cool email about pc illusion. the last one was quite freaky though ><
57. i get freaked easily
58. yet i like to watch horror movies and never get freaked. weird huh. i guess scary stuff in reality freaks me out more.
59. florence said i have very extreme expressions o_O
60. i have so many things to do and i'm blogging. tsk =D i have poor planning
61. let me say this again. i shall and must quit mep at the end of this year.
62. whoots my korean pronunciation is actually getting better xP
63. i think lit is interesting although i'm not too great at it
64. i bought weiqing a snowglobe for weiqing yesterday! from minitoons! it's pretty =) because today's her bday xD
65. i saw shoelaces with heart patterns on them and wanted to scream
66. because the other time i went to buy shoelaces for 105 they didn't have hearts. and now they have -.-"
67. i so loser one ><
68. i don't like philo coz i don't understand it.
69. my mortals are very sweet =) and cute.
70. one day i will bring my mortals out xD yay!
71. i want a 4.0 in math science hist and geog. and english and lit if possible. it's can be achieved.
72. i think rehersals are a waste of time x/
73. i have to type in 27 more facts. that's a fact!
74. i'm going for english tuition later. hope i don't fall asleep.
75. for some reason my left ear can hold the headphones better than my right o_O
76. i want a snowglobe for my bday! so y'all know what to get me horhor right xP no lah it's okay =)
77. i like minitoons' showlaces =D
78. i'm sian.
79. later when i come home i must finish chinese tuition homework, school work and study theory.
80. as of now my life is shitty ^^
81. hey i didn;t mean what i said okay! i know i can do it! =D
82. my dad supports the idea of me quitting mep xD he rocks
83. i'm closer to my dad than my mum
84. i like laughing. hahahaha!
85. i accidentally cut through a doll-leg ytd (i was helping them cut stuff for founder's day). careless me
86. i failed my math assignment due to carelessness!
87. which is not something i should be proud of. bad shona :(
88. i gtg in two mins. ahhh!
89. i am going to annotate the whole of of TKMB during march hols
90. i still don't know if i should go for GB camp.
91. but i don't have a choice do i ><
92. my physics is gone case T.T
93. i love gummies!
94. sometimes i wonder what's the point of working so hard for super grades.
95. not that i don't want to work hard. i just think that all the pressure i'm putting on myself is caused by my desire to get good grades.
96. which i find pointless sometimes because there's more to that in school
97. actually i have to go now but i'll finish this xD
98. nowadays i have to be careful of what i write on my blog because too many people read it. and i know it okay!
99. anyway i'm not as emo as i used to be so it's okay
100. i hit hundred! byebye!

<3 sho

2007-02-24T22:23:00.000+08:00

continuation of 100 facts xD

30. my tuition teacher left yesterday xP

31. i'm doing mep homework now. mep go and die you shit.

32. i was watching a supposedly good animation that i didn't know how to appreciate -.-"

33. everytime my mum asks me stuff that require "yes" or "no" for an answer i am very tempted to answer in korean =D

34. i like...oh forget it. sheesh

35. i am scared of _____ (person)

36. i don't take pity on people if i think they're whining for no reason.

37. i am a very frank person. or you could call it blunt ><

38. i share my birthday with lanabel's angel whose name i shall not mention xD she is a qian bian person though ^^

39. i think chinwei's msn convos are weird and i think she knows it.

40. i learnt today that eunice chiam is allergic to chocolate ><>

41. i saved lee voon from a booking today. she can't afford another. yay me! (egoness)

42. i also tried to save the person sitting in front of her but i dont think she heard me x/

43. i like lee da hae, lee dong wook, lee joon ki, um...joo ji hoon and possibly yoon eun hye!

that's lee da hae =P the girl on my blogskin. and the stone guy beside her is lee dong wook but he looks nicer in other pics ><

44. i find 100 facts tiring T.T and im not even halfway through

45. grr maybe i should continue tomorrow.

46. i am a procrastinator.

47. i like that sweet snowglobe lee da hae's holding =)

48. i hardly find snowglobes in giftstores. and when i do they're really ex.

49. i wanna go watch korean drama now.

50. i hit 50. yay. byebye

2007-02-23T16:56:00.000+08:00

let's see if i can post a 100 facts about myself in 15 mins. that is before my tuition teacher comes xD haha i did this last year too

1. i am shona tan hui shan.
2. i don't like being addressed as tan hui shan shona.
3. two-elevener
4. rafflesian
5. waddlian
6. christian =D
7. loves korean dramas xD
8. overly ambitious--wants to learn squash by herself if possible -.-"
9. wants to learn korean (by herself, again T.T)
10. can sing the chorus of "never say goodbye" from my girl OST! in korean okay!
11. can stare at a korean word for five seconds and more and still not be able to read it. i know how to read them, just super slow.
12. loves snowglobes =)
13. a changed person. like, alot.
14. bad experiences help me grow stronger and gain thick skin xD
15. i still think weiqing's my best friend despite what we've been through =D
16. i have watched my girl episode 16 (final episode) 5 times!
17. i scare myself by thinking of ghostly stuff at night -.-"
18. oh yes i forgot! jpsl!
19. and from this you infer that i can be blur xD
20. sits next to michelle in class
21. likes to laugh at a sleepy michelle (she mumbles when she sleeps xP)
22. ridiculous enough to suggest studying the dictionary for chinese summative xD that was a joke!
23. i hate mep
24. and that is a proven fact. you can ask around how many people heard me say that ><
25. i hate the violin @_@
26. it's very painful and i have no interest in it
27. never make me learn something i have no interest in. or i simply won't bother trying my best at all.
28. i am a rebellious person. last time used to be more but i still am
29. okay maybe not rebellious. stubborn, perhaps, and opinionated.
30. my chinese tch is here. byebye

<3 sho

2007-02-23T15:01:00.000+08:00

you know i can't stand people who whine for no hell of a good reason.

because when they whine it shows a lack of maturity and lack of ability to assess the problem they're facing. basically they're just looking for sympathy which is something i have little tolerance for. i mean i can give them advice the first few times but once they go overboard i get pissed ><

haha just a random thing i came up with.

anyway i think my perspective of friendship is better now. like last time i told myself that i needed a best friend. now i still do have a best friend (ie: weiqing) but i've learnt that you can have other really good friends too along with your best friend. last time in henry park i didn't like anyway nice come close to me because i felt that i would be betraying weiqing if i did so. but now i know that that's not the case and it's important to make more friends. it builds up your confidence and makes you feel better =)

but the funny thing about qing and i is that i dont talk to her like how i talk to my other good friends. the only time i can talk alot to her is when there's only both of us. if we go out in a group i wont be able to say much. weirdly.

haha she's the only one i can have philosophical convos with. as in our philosophy defined by us xD its nice to see that kind of foundation in friendship despite not really talking on a day-to-day basis.

<3 sho

2007-02-22T16:52:00.000+08:00

hello xD

jiayi says my post to miss lim doesn't sound like me.

okay let's talk about some philo here >< who am i? what is knowing myself?

haha i dont even know the answers to those questions =D

seriously outside of school i'm not really what you call myself. weirdly "myself" can be defined as the hyper crazy laughing yet reflective sensitive girl, and can also be defined as the emo shit person who cries. fortunately you dont see so much of that nowadays. and i dont intend for people to see that side anyway. it's pathetic. when i was like that i was merely wallowing in self-pity. but now i've grown up and have learnt to classify self-pity and real problems.

good for me. my confidence problem has more or less gone away =D

you know at least my dad is supportive. i told him i wanted to learn squash and he told me yes but only during the hols. well, that's a start. i think it's high time i start pursuing things im really interested in. like korean or squash. even tennis and fencing. but they're so ex x/

grr. i don't care if my mum says that my right hand will grow bigger than the left due to over-exercise. then what she want me to do? play with my left? i'll probably end up whacking myself with the racquet -.-"

this is a very random post. sli tmr. no lessons. but i have to usher parents and pour drinks during reception. i had better not be a klutz ><

<3 sho

2007-02-16T18:18:00.000+08:00

hello!

just came back from movie and lunch with qing van and sophia. xD we were watching just follow law.

hmm seems like singapore productions are actually improving. which is a good things coz this indicates that our arts scene isnt so bad afterall. but i still find the tv productions lacking in originality. but nevermind lah, i have to give mediacorp credit for improving =D

btw fann wong is really pretty xP

haha im not very good at documenting outings like this because my post will become draggy. but anyway just a condensed version: we waited and waited and waited for sophia when we decided to go first becuse she said that she would be joining us at 1.45. so we made our way to wisma atria's food republic to eat lunch. but then we were all so full from class party so we had no appetite ): so i shared yongtaufoo with weiqing and the rice tasted weird. i regret buying it and even suggesting eating it in the first place T.T i guess im too choosy ><

we should have eaten the korean food instead =D

anyway we hung around for awhile while sophia was having a debate with us whether we should watching just follow law or ghostrider/epic. but then the timing for epic was pretty late and unsuitable. so we ended up with just follow law lah. i like that show x) then after that we met elaine (lau) outside the cinema while searching for a less-crowded toilet. so loser okay-- we wanted to find a less crowded toilet than the one outside the cinema but instead the toilet
was more crowded than the cinema one -.-"

then i took bus home. very coincidentally i saw nancy sitting in the car from the 75 bus. so we were smsing each other for awhile. oh yeah and i also saw a small boy peeing on some grass and bushes behind the bus stop -.-"

see i told you this post is mundane. byebye =)

<3 sho

2007-02-14T19:46:00.000+08:00

This post is dedicated to Miss Lim.

Dear Miss Lim,

If you ever happen to chance upon my blog, I'm sorry. But I just have to say this.
I know you probably dislike me due to the fact that i probably don't pay attention in your class. and maybe because i failed your set theory quiz and did really badly for all the assignments so far. or maybe because im not cute/pretty/funny enough, but that's really besides the point.

because if you do, i'm sorry. i just want to let you know that im trying my best already. i know on monday i really wasn't paying attention and i deserved that "wake-up call" you gave me in class. but as for today, you proclaimed to the class that "shona's not paying attention as well", well, i just felt it was really unfair. i was paying attention, it's just that jo-ann was telling me something for a while. then if you said that i wasn't paying attention, then wouldn't jo-ann not be paying attention too because she was talking to me? also you cannot expect all the students, including the really good ones, to be giving you 100% attention for the whole of one hour right?

if you were hoping that i would turn out the perfect student, then i apologise, for im not. i have failed to meet your expectations. i can't be like jo-ann, or chenrui, or any other person who is really dedicated or anything, because i am simply not them.

i just want to let you know that i'm trying my best. i don't intend to be disrespectful to you in any way. i also dont have any intentions of doing worksheets from other subjects during your lessons, or write my mortal letters, or sleep for that matter.

but i would be truly grateful and appreciative if you would assess this matter (if youre reading which you probably wont be) and justify the cause of both your actions and mine.

thank you

<3 shona

2007-02-14T16:58:00.000+08:00

hello everyone!

HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY!

<3

love is in the air...

<3>

2007-02-13T16:48:00.000+08:00

hello...

i really have nothing to post about nowadays. which is really sad coz it reminds me of how sad my life is xD

anyway chinese new year is coming!! haha the only thing im actually looking forward to is being dao and listen to music during reunion dinner. >< i'm like that one. i enjoy seeing my relatives' faces when im acting dao =P

haha maybe i wont be so rude lah but anyway im not so close to any of my other cousins (besides the really immediate ones) so technically im not exactly looking forward to visitation. maybe im just looking forward to the holiday ^^

now i listen to my girl so many times until sian alrd >< i think what's making me sian is because i know the tune so well it's just that i dont know the words x/ all korean, how to understand/pronounce?? try to lah, but i think the pronunications all off. i'm playing it by ear only.

i really want korean lessons ): just not too ex. buy me the self-learning cd can already.

catherine/trisha can tutor me on pronunciation??

-desperate look-

=D

<3 sho

2007-02-10T17:06:00.000+08:00

hello!

today i found out who my mortal was and she found out who i was >< so loser. actually i found out how she looked like in the morning and then i was staring at her and then she was staring back at me with a blank expression xD

but then later she came like VERYVERY close to the waddle area okay. then suddenly li lin was calling my name then i pretended not to hear her but i couldnt ignore it coz it was SO LOUD. so i turned around and guess what. elaine was looking at me with this BEEEEG smile on her face. like I FOUND YOU HAHAHAHA! but i found you first niehehehe xP whatever lah -.-"

anyway today's psl session was fun and fruitful! psl sessions are probably the only things i look forward to on saturdays (coz house pract is kinda long and draggy...)

and now's sunday. whatever that you've seen above is all from saturday xD

you know when people talk about having a favourite parent? let's talk about mine. i mean the opposite of favourite parent.

my mum is really testing my patience. not because she talks to me about mundane stuff. it's a bigger issue althogether.

<3 sho

2007-02-07T16:45:00.000+08:00

hello

why is it that I have nothing to write about nowadays.

my life is becoming so boring T.T

oh now i have something to write. my friend just came on msn. his display name says..."poor "XD". abused like none other".

these ri people from my batch are weird. what's wrong with using xD as an emocon. haha what shu said was right. ryan/joosh/all those people reflect too much on little things nowadays.

it's no wonder why i prefer talking to guys not of my age. but not too small either lah xD for some weird reason i just cannot communicate/relate to guy of my age. period.

ohwells. oh i shall yap about GB. i wont say that it's particularly interesting but it isn't particularly bad either. i guess it takes time for me to get used to worship and devotion and things like that. because whenever i dont know the worship songs/the worship songs are slow and boring and make you want to sleep i feel so drowsy and by the time it's devotion i'm nodding off. i hate nodding off coz the struggle to stay awake is torturous. like the last GB session, i was nodding off while writing and my pen was dragging like dunno what and then shu whacked me awake and then i woke up with a start and saw that my handwriting looked like blue ants because i had no idea what i was writing while i was sleeping.

and shu was as usual laughing like a mad cow -moos in delight- oh yeah today shu went with clarissa to far east to eat subway. according to them each subway sandwich only costs ten cents if you buy it between 4-6pm. so cheapskate ><

anyway weizhen has flooded my tagboard oO thanks anyway =D you're a very random person. and hello lanabel! who's your angel?? maybe i should write to you sometime =D

<3 sho

2007-01-30T18:19:00.000+08:00

weiqi's msn display name: happy weiqi! whee! knitting rocks!

it sounds so like her =) i don't think i'll ever delete her contact. i still rmb about four to five weeks ago during rs me and weiqi were sitting together and the talk was so boring that we were going to die. then when it was finally over, and when we all stood up to greet miss tan goodbye, weiqi said," THANK YOU AND GOODBYE *fat piggy*" xD

anyway replies to tags:

weizhen: hello person! thanks for flooding my tagboard xD

ruoxi: um don't mention it =) and you're not scary okayy! i told you today already right ^^

renee: your blog url is so depressing, how to link xD

miin: thanks! haha next time i must try going out with you ><

sze min: hello! haha everyday you smile alot! which is good! whee!

queenie: hi long time no see/speak! yeah thanks anyways =)

farah: haha np! which colour did you get? i actually prefer the single-coloured ones >< uh thank you =) and they're not scary, just that when i was buying the laces i was so stressed up that i got the idea that they would get super pissed with me if i didn't get the right kind.

elaine: yo mortal! yup i'll link you and reply your message! eh no, i've alrd replied -.-"

jingwen: you were from chongfu too? wahaha it's a small world =P

jane: yah man, being depressed all day is very sian diao! today i was very random and hyper. whee! don't worry be happy xD

<3 sho

2007-01-28T23:08:00.000+08:00

I only just realised how fragile life is.

It's sad how one person can be so alive and happy one day, and so...silent the next. Sorry I couldn't find any other appropriate words ><

i guess you can't take life for granted. we live our lives assuming that we'll be able to wake up the next morning all alive and well. but then again, life is full of uncertainties. who knows, you might be alive today, and not the very next day.

treasure you life okay. don't spend all of your available free time moaning and groaning and basically complaining about how life sucks, how your life sucks, how the people around you suck, and so on and so forth. because the more you whine, the more miserable you become, and if you die suddenly you will die a miserable person.

i think weiqi's very brave. it's really commendable for someone like her to face all these uncertainties and operations and things like that with a huge smile on her face everyday. i've never heard her complain once about whatever she was going through. i've also never heard her cry in class about her difficulties. she was strong right till the end. and i respect her for having that courage. and in turn, her courage has made others strong enough to face this difficult time. her courage gave us the assurance that she is safe and sound and happy, wherever she is now.

we'll miss you weiqi =)

and for those people who whine everyday about trivial matters, i think it's time for you to reflect on how you want to spend the remainder of your life before it's too late.

<3 sho

2007-01-23T16:51:00.000+08:00

saw my mortal today...

she looks kinda chubby cute -.- but anyway thanks for giving me the m&ms! although you gave me a hard time trying to open it up (with all your double-sided tape and all) >< but still thank you! nice person xD

i think bren got scolded because of me. during rs. stupid may tan.

you know i get this feeling that this year's gonna be worse than last year. in terms of academic pressure. i rmb there was a time last year when i was so stressed up that i felt like commiting suicide (refer to posts in july 2006, i think). and now's only january and i feel tired everyday.

i have no idea why but there are two voices in my head, one telling me to go all out, work til you drop, get good results, do homework until your head explodes, then at the end of the year when you get a 3.8 gpa you can finally learn squash/tennis and korean. and another voice tells me to work hard, but still play. and then another part of me tells me that i cannot go out because im too busy.

actually i'm more inclined to follow the first voice >< but that's bad. i really wanna go out this week to get the presents for my mortals and all. but i have so many tuitions and commitments dammit.

commitments. they rule our lives. the only time when i actually feel sian is during the hols.

and after this whole tirade i realise that im just doing this for my results. but why? what's so imp about results right?? it's pleasing to the eye maybe. if you get good grades. your parents finally smile at you properly after scowling and nagging at you for the whole year. you get what you want during the hols because you feel and they feel you deserve it.

i guess good results has it's rewards but working towards them has a limit too.

shona tan, don't overwork yourself. you're highly capable of doing that.

<3 sho

2007-01-20T23:21:00.000+08:00

english lesson on thursday...

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turn my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools," said I "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you..."
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed
In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, " The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sounds of silence."]

emo creepy disturbing song by Simon and Garfunkel, 1965. go to youtube to watch if interested.

<3 sho

2007-01-20T23:07:00.000+08:00

wah suddenly i get so many tags O_O so i shall reply to them.

miin: but then you don't know which kind to get! thanks for the offer tho xD

yimin: gb can get boring. but that's because i don't know how to do drills and stuff. last week i fell asleep while the rest was doing drills. i told people that dunno how many times alrd -.- anyway ytd at 77th street i saw a pair of purple shoelaces =D

lishan: but you're better now than last time what!

giam: gb seems pretty dao right now >< haiyah whatever lah it takes time to warm up i guess. haha lee dong wook <33

weizhen: hello!

<3 sho

2007-01-19T16:59:00.000+08:00

i finally bought the 36 pairs of shoelaces for 105.

your idea of fun? my idea of torture. not that i hate 105.

firstly i told my dad that i could make my way to bishan's j8 myself from novena. he offered to fetch me there and do the shopping with me. so fine. BUT he didn't tell me he was in a rush so the whole time i was looking for the laces he kept giving me and the shopkeepers attitude.

what my mum says is true. my dad sometimes really does not know how to behave in public. like for example, when you're stressed/pissed/frustrated, do you show the whole world your black face and let them hear your irritated voice? no right? that's exactly what my dad did.

he really tried my patience. i was already trying my best to hurry up for him okay. i felt like telling him that next time if he offers to fetch me KNOWING FULLY WELL that he has a tight schedule to follow then DON'T FETCH! i can do it myself, seriously. not that i don't appreciate him fetching me. it's just that i don't appreciate his attitude.

and then. if longchuan and the rest are gonna chide me for the shoelaces i bought because of the DIFFERENT COLOUR (hello, they were out of the super colourful ones. what could i do?) i really don't know what to do alrd. i tried my best already okay!

~~if they do that they're really gonna make me cry. long chuan really scares me. and ruoxi and desiree and the whole lot.~~

<3 sho

2007-01-18T16:18:00.000+08:00

ya'll know PB and PSB right...

they say that they're bonded.

right???

well, i admit that they are.

but. i have a problem here.

you know me? i'm very weird one. i can be super nice (im not being ego, im just stating facts xD) to a person on a personal one-to-one basis, but i can't connect with crowds. like for example, when i talk to 105, i have to put on my overly-cheerful, smiley, enthu, hyper side. not that i'm not smiley and cheery and stuff. i am. just that when i do that to crowds my face hurts. same this with jpsb. truthfully, and no offense meant, i don't feel anything for jpsb at all. i mean like i sit through sad and happy moments, rehersals and all and laugh along too, but deep inside me i don't feel anything. it's my same crowd problem-- i have problems connecting and communicating with the rest of the jpsls.

everytime i laugh along with the jpsls or anything my mouth hurts. yet i feel genuinely happy, at the same time not happy at all.

darn it lah, i just have severe connection probs. however when i talk to a small grp of 105-ers (like maybe 3-4 ppl) i can behave quite normally.

gah. i hate myself. i guess i'm just a half extroverted.

<3 sho

2007-01-16T16:14:00.000+08:00

hello...

you know, i guess sometimes in life we all have to learn to move on.

like i remember last year me and edwin were very close. then due to some reasons which cannot be openly said, we kind of didn't continue with our friendship. and i felt that i was at a loss, because who would i turn to whenever i needed help? who would be there to pull me up, to support me? who would be there to comfort me when i was down? and the more i thought the more depressed i became. and did being depressed and mopey all day even though the school year was ending help at all? obviously not.

then you know how i got out of it? very lame. i got myself distracted with goong and forgot about it. then i became closer to weiqing, made new friends and forgot about it. not totally forgot lah, it still kinda hurts, but then with new "activities" you learn to channel your energy towards more positive pursuits.

sometimes i tell myself that it isn't worth my time getting upset because my problems can't be solved. in the first place, i ask myself, are they really problems, or am i just whining? in my case, i was whining 70% if the time and getting pity from edwin and such, and so without his uh, concern it was as if i would die. but then i told myself, is edwin's presence so important that you will die withoiut him? no right. i'm not insulting edwin or anything; i'm simply emphasising the fact that only you can help yourself sometimes. yup, so because i wouldn't die without him, i stopped feeling sorry for myself and basically moved on. can you imagine if i hadn't. i would be sad for months. that really is not worth it.

so those out there who are facing this problem about weird friendships, here's some advice. first, evaluate your thoughts, and see if you only really need them because you want comfort. second, if you are really wanting pity, tell yourself to get a grip, and that you don't need others to provide you with that pity that you oh-so-need, and that you can pull youself up. if you are real need of help and your friend isn't responding, then i conclude that that person sucks. no i really mean it. by giving this kind of behaviour it indicates that the person is only your circumstancial friend. note, in my case it was different. friendship takes two hands to clap right? in my case there was a point when there was only one hand. so therefore i won't consider myself a circumstancial friend.

i know it sounds kinda blunt up there lah but that's just how i express myself.

<3 sho

2007-01-14T19:47:00.000+08:00

hello people, whoever you are xD

orientation. is. over.

though i'm one day late lah, but yesterday i was really fatigued.

gah and then now i don't feel like updating.

just that we didn't bathe for more than a day -faints-

the smell, the smell!

okay fine i didn't really smell lah xD

<3 sho

2007-01-08T16:28:00.000+08:00

hi

kinda sian today, so...

oh you know just now i nodded off on the bus and only woke up when it came to my stop. wah biang. call it cutting it close.

anyway i love 105! usually i don't like saying i love somethingsomething because it sounds very bimbotic, but anyway 105 rocks! they're so co-operative about orientation camp and the skit, and they've already done their class flag and cheer. and they're 1 day ahead of schedule. WHOOTS! POWER TO 105!

xD thank you for making our job so easy. it sure is nice to be psls of your class. haha sounds so cliche right. but yeah i really mean it. and you guys are chatty and nice to talk to =D

now i want to go sleep byebye

<3 sho

2007-01-07T17:46:00.000+08:00

you know how singaporean parents always tell their kids to learn something practical, even if their kids don't like whatever they're learning, because it will either benefit them when they are working or when they're trying to find a job, because learning those practical thigns are an indication of more skills?

well, i think i've had enough of practicality. like, take for example, my parents will say, "if there's an opportunity to take up malay as a 3rd lang, do it, because it's more practical in this region rather than french german or jap." yeah true, but then has it occured to them that i don't like to learn malay and would rather learn jap?

another example. i want to learn korean, but then my dad will put on a very long face whenever i mention that, because firstly, korean ain't practical, isn't offered and will cost alot to learn it outside, and basically a waste of time.

yet another example. i want to take up fencing, tennis and squash. but i can only take up one, so i want to try fencing. but then i can't. why? because my dear mum says that i already have a very tight schedule and squeezing in one more commitment will cause my studies to slacken. furthermore, she says, fencing is a merit cca and is therefore useless. what can you gain from fencing?

i mean, if we dedicate our whole lives to learn things that are supposedly practical, won't you think life's a bore. unless you like those practical stuff lah, then i have nothing to say. then because we're spending time learning the practical stuff, we have no time for the supposedly "impractical" stuff. then we will never pursue our interests. it's stupid.

why must we learn everything out of practicality? if everyone thought like that then how did the entertainment industry in other countries come about? isn't learning acting "impractical"? maybe that's why mediacorp is so unoriginal, because many singaporeans don't take up acting lessons as they view it as impractical.

i wish my parents would be more open minded and less studies-oriented. i want to enjoy my school life; not spend my days in front of my study table mugging. i'm not saying studies aren't important. in fact, they are. it's just that, i think i should have a more balanced life. like once i start taking up leadership positions, they start complaining because i check my email too often and go to school during the hols to help out.

-.- well what can i say. i'm just a kid.

<3 sho

2007-01-05T18:04:00.000+08:00

hello xD

haha i don't feel like reflecting upon 2006 anymore. whatever that i've reflected is for me to know only xP

anyway 105 '07 is a cool sports class with alot of chatty people =D

there's this korean girl in 105 (-gasp!-) as well as a girl called gao ang from china who came in through table tennis dsa. the korean girl is catherine shin jae yeon by the way. haah very cool right xD she can speak english like a singaporean. i didn't even know she was korean until ruoxi happened to ask her.

haha xD then i stayed back in school for another 45 mins to talk to gao ang. she really can talk man. i've just realised that 105 isn't actually so quiet afterall lah. maybe the group i'm in charge of during psl sessions is quiet but on the whole i think the class is quite hyper

yay x)))

oh yeah gao ang is actually older than me. by 4 months >< haha don't worry im not obsessed with my juniors, just like to talk to them, that's all. their talkative-ness satisfies my talking needs xD

<3 sho

2006-12-29T17:36:00.000+08:00

hello world.

you know what? I don't feel like posting. but then if i don't post there'll be this ugly swearing post in the front.

so. i'll post xD -whoops just opened my psb email account. i have 30 messages. unread. oops ><-

yalah but anyway now that 2006 is coming to a close (i sound so informal here. this post was meant to be formal)...

okay, now that 2006 is coming to a close (there's 2 more days left to this year), it's time for me to do some reflections. like what this year meant to me and what i have done right or wrong and how to improve. yeah i know it sounds really corny but it helps if you do it, because it reveals another part of yourself that you've probably never seen.

firstly, i have a few people to thank this year.

weiqing- for putting up with all my crap at the beginning (yes it was really crap), for dao-ing me in class (yah i actually thank her for that, because if she hadn't dao-ed me i wouldn't have realised that i needed to branch out and make more friends instead of just sticking to one person all the time), and lastly, for being forgiving. i think she knew that i didn't think very much of our friendship throughout the whole year. and yet she could still forgive me at the end when i finally started talking to her properly during november to december 2006. thank you for tolerating all my mood swings, insincerity and the "i want attention!" mindset. and i know we won't be in the same class next year because you're with the braniacs (xP) i hope we can still stay close =)

shzehui- i know i can be rude to you sometimes, and i admit that sometimes i talk bad about you behind your back, but overall i am grateful towards you for leading me towards Christianity. Although I know my level of spirituality isn't exactly very high right now, but then, i'm still thankful that's you're there to support me. and i want to thank you for giving me all that tough love and for "picking" on me in class. i know i get annoyed whenever you talk about me not behaving in a proper manner, but then, all this lecturing will ultimately lead me to grow as a person. and i have come to realise this while doing this reflection. you're actually pretty good at dishing out tough love. and it's effective too! keep it up xP but don't be too mean, heh ><

edwin- yeah i know we don't talk anymore, and to be honest (because i hate not being honest and you know it), i don't think things will be the same if i ever got close to you again, so i would like to let things be. but anyway, what you've shown me in those 2 months was what others could not show me in, maybe years. you have shown me a lot, comforted me, put up with my crying spells over the phone, my hyperness, my corruption. i know you could be a great friend. i can't help but say this again, pardon me. i guess what you've actually done is that you've opened my mind to a lot of newer perspectives, and from telling me your personal experiences with various issues, you've actually aided me in becoming a more sensitive and thoughtful person than i was. i feel that i've experienced growth in our friendship, short as it was. thank you, and i hope things get better for you =) and your brother. tell him to jiayou, because his As are coming. yeah =D

i think that's all the people i want to thank so far. as in the major thank yous. other people probably include my judo coach, the judo batchmates (for putting up with my crying after i didn't get into the team), zhengyi (for comforting me although i didn't even know who you were then), yidan (for partnering me during judo camp and putting up with my whining about tough trngs). i wouldn't say that 2006 was a totally good year, but it was certainly worth going through it.

and lastly i want to thank God, for making this year perfect in his will.

*psst im not done yet! this is just the beginning!*

<3 sho

2006-12-22T23:52:00.000+08:00

And horrors of horrors.

It turns out that my mum's ~~stupid smelly shitty~~ cousin who is in her early fifties is coming with us to KL.

She is so bloody thick-skinned to squeeze her fat butt into our hotel room and personal space and not to mention, privacy.

she insisted that she'd be wasting her 80 bucks if we didn't let her go with us, and because my mum isn't exactly a very firm person she gave in to her.

stupid aunt. bloody whore.

I'd rather sleep in the corridor than sleep in the room with HER.

hah, but why should I, we were granted the room first. she should be the one sleeping in the corridor. or at least bring a sleeping bag and not hog the beds, y'know, because they were meant for us anyway.

stupid asshole i don't care if she has good taste in shopping. I don't need her taste to get what I want.

Next time such things happen, I will purposely not pick up her calls on my hp and if my mum is still so weak so to speak, i'll ask her to talk directly to me.

i'm not pissed with my mum, i'm just pissed with the aunt's thick-skinnedness and dishonesty and cheapo-ness. you know everytime we go out with her we end up paying for all her meals and she doesn't even offer to pay a single cent. she doesn't even bother insisting that she should pay.

next time we should enter this chao expensive restaurant, order all the exotic dishes and then sit there and be thick-skinned too and refuse to pay! hah. let her have a taste of her own medicine.

whatever. i'm not gonna let HER (or maybe we should call her "it"?) ruin my holiday and the festive mood. remember i still have christmas presents to get.

may curses befall her and her armpits be infested with a million maggots.

*my sister wishes to add a comment. she says that IT ruined her holiday and that she'd rather stay in singapore.*

oh yeah once about a few years back we got so frustrated with her that my sister decided to be mischievous. so she threw her towel off the balcony and threw her undergarments which were hanging on the clothes line into the rubbish chute below xD

<3 sho

2006-12-22T19:19:00.000+08:00

hello.

im pretty blur today. because i woke up at 5.45 am. to get to school by 6.30. but then i was still late -.-

reporting day mah. full of kancheong parents.

then i had to wear the formal formal attire and stand there and smile like an idiot while parents come by running after their darlings. not saying that it was bad, but my feet nearly died because i was wearing court shoes. and they're my sister's which makes it a size smaller. which is too squashy for my ~~fat~~ feet.

so i had to go wibble wobble hobble for 6 hours.

i hope my feet don't die. please, no. I'm leaving tmr for KL and I won't be able to shop. there's a perpetual ache in my left leg.

oh dear. -prays that it will go away soon-

<3 sho

2006-12-21T10:22:00.000+08:00

hello world...

i feel so sian. mainly because i woke up at 7.45 this morning in an attempt to rush to school to get my uniform for reporting day, but then i misread the email and thought that wednesday was today. sheesh. but then anyway i have to get down early tmr to wear it.

and i still have to do bag packing for the KL trip. and why? because now that we're big girls (apparently) my parents have to book two separate rooms and therefore, we have to be responsible for our own belongings! wow...

anyway i have to stop laming around xD heh i was just thinking about the christmas presents im gonna give some people. weiqing shouldn't be a problem. i wonder what im gonna get for yidan and zhengyi.

and then should i get for edwin too?

<3>

2006-12-19T16:35:00.000+08:00

My sister said something quite sweet to me yesterday.

I still remember last night when i was looking through all my chio old photos. and it was raining and lightning and flashing across the sky xD

then my sister said: you know when i was little, i used to think that when lightning strikes and when thunder sounds, God is angry, and when it rains, God is crying because someone has just died.

I like that sentence. It's really beautiful =)

oh yeah, i just started watching another korean drama. it's called my girl. i'm actually quite outdated because that drama was aired in korea last year in december. and one of the actors looks really gay. wait i think i have a picture.

-.-

some people out there think joo ji hoon looks gay. i think he (lee joon ki) is worse.

let's do a comparison.

O_O

2006-12-13T16:50:00.000+08:00

hi xD

long time no update...was shopping with mum and aunt on monday and tuesday.

wait.. i think my sister took some retarded picture while we were shopping at hang ten. will put it up some day, im too lazy now.

and on another subject. i made so many retarded calls today. i called qing and for some reason we started talking about the korean horror flick Cinderella and more stuff about goong, then we started talking about dead bodies hanging from the ceiling and body parts dangling and then falling on you.

-.-

then edwin and andrew were trying to piss me off because i couldn't differentiate between their voices. trust me, i still can't. sheesh. ohwells but at least i was a source of entertainment xD i should've recorded the conversation down, then i can post it and show u ppl how retarded it is.

oh yah i just thought of a nice quote from myself -.-

"my life's a drama. I'm the lead actress. You won't be disappointed--lot's of drama involved, most of it being crying."

heh. me being lame.

<3 sho

2006-12-10T17:00:00.000+08:00

some cool pictures that i found from my own collection xD so maybe this will be an interesting post afterall

yah i know this picture is chao ugly lah. look at all my fats. actually they're not fats, just that my shirt is too small and is crumpling up. excuses as usual xD and i think my sis took this when i was packing my bag for judo camp in my room.

my very messy study table. this was taken in june.

rudy, my cousin xD he's four.

whee judo finals xD notice that i only took pics of the raffles area =D

copper blue sulphate crystal me and qing made in chem class.

cute hello panda cookie (look at the design). quite significant coz i took it after trng xD and that fat black thingy is my lap x/

me when i was...2?

a sample of my handwriting when i'm under stress. this is geog btw, and the teacher made us do it under exam conditions.

me! in school. duh.

view of the haze from my house. cool right? i like haze =D

stupid fish porridge. looks like puke.

deathnote! L is cute xD

this is exactly what happens when you don't file your math worksheets regularly xD like me.

kim jeong hoon! although i prefer joo ji hoon to him, but his name is nicer to write. that's my skin btw.

i like the neat square of chicken rice xP

that's all for now =D

2006-12-09T10:11:00.000+08:00

I have no idea why i got so pissed off when my dad told me to turn the tv off last night.

Maybe because it was showing badminton xD

2 ulcers in my mouth. damn. of all things I get ulcers ): but actually getting ulcers is better than getting zits.

i have too many zits for my own good.

and i have nothing to write and i'm so sian (i've heard that word a million times alrd) and my posts are getting draggier and more wuliao.

sian. pfft. me going shopping on monday/tuesday. hope i find nice stuff that can't fit my sister if not she'll start borrowing again. now she's singing in the bathroom xP

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKbljZoe_8U if you're interested come and watch goong xD

<3 sho

2006-12-08T17:19:00.000+08:00

"I will never forget the look on your face today."

"How come?"

"Because...This is the real you. With warm, honest and untainted eyes."

...

"When I leave this palace I will take three treasures with me -- love, friendship and family."

I cried while watching goong just now. It's so touching. Some parts, that is.

<3 sho

2006-12-08T13:33:00.000+08:00

hello...

I just finished writing that busy bees report on teens showing affection in public. took me almost 3 hours to complete, mainly because i was stoning and singing and composing music on my phone, looking for dictionary, etc.

but anyway i finished it, which is what counts xD (three whole pages okayy)

yesterday my and sis stayed up till 1.30am to watch 15th Asian games in Doha. Some badminton thingy. very ci ji. it was singapore's xing aiying against korea's hwang hye yeon. for once i didn't support korea xP but anyway the korean gal won ):

learning korean is fun =D this is a random post. and i woke up at 10-something this morning because of last night's badminton. i wanna play badminton although i suck at it. blah.

<3 sho

2006-12-06T10:10:00.000+08:00

i dreamt about edwin last night.

somehow i've been dreaming alot about him recently. not in the "i miss you" dreams, but just normal dreaming. heh, maybe he crept into my subconscious. i dunno.

i dreamt that he died. of throat cancer. and how all of us had to deal with it. (in the dream i was actually making a list of the things that would happen shortly after his funeral). then i imagined me calling his house to find his brother picking up the phone and saying" he's dead" before hanging up.

then i woke up crying.

i mean, i know that him getting cancer won't be a likely scenario in the near future, but somehow in the dream it seemed so real. like the crying and all. yes, in the dream i was crying buckets. like the type of crying you can't control.

the dream was too real. it's too scary.

<3 sho

2006-12-05T17:13:00.000+08:00

heh, just to clear off that unhappy post...

anyway just talked to qing for 75 mins. we really can talk man. about 40% of the convo was about goong -.-"

hey but kim jeong hoon and joo ji hoon are really very shuai xD

and today i went for the waddle meeting. quite boring -.- but then i didn't expect my tidbits to be finished. usually that ain't the case.

you guys probably won't understand why i feel appreciated when my tidbits are finished. but ohwells.

eunice can sing the goong song really well x)

heh, and i just realised that i'm the kind of person who pushes her problems to the back of her head. which is bad because i should confront them. if not one day this whole bunch of them is gonna blow up in my brain.

heh i try not to think about them. isn't that already avoiding xD

<3>

2006-12-04T22:03:00.000+08:00

"As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together

And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends forever"

Doesn't that sound a little...unrealistic? ok maybe not a little. perhaps, HIGHLY UNREALISTIC.

Let's face the facts shall we. Friends come and go. Even if there was such a thing as "friends forever" it would take a great deal of time for you to find a friend that can last forever.

And that "friends come and go" concept was kinda like a bitter pill for me to swallow.

you might say that i'm a pessimist, but hey, this has been the result of what the circumstances have caused me to become.

i know i was once a spirited girl. you know, the type who runs around in kindergarten and gets scolded for not paying attention. daydreaming. but the circumstances has caused me to become dull, boring, zi bao zi qi, and whatever other words you can describe me with.

basically the circumstances hasn't been good to me, and i haven't been good to myself either. both are to blame.

i've been hurt too many times. i'm utterly sick of getting hurt. just sick of it. gah!

<3 sho

2006-12-03T22:20:00.000+08:00

I am up to my neck in shit.

metaphorically.

the waddle meeting thingy is on tuesday and we're supposed to present our proposals.

problem? the proposal's with yidan, and she's on holiday. and me and yvette only have our parts of the proposal.

i swear miss tan will kill us.

and i also don't like presenting in front of an audience.

sighh...

and there's also some stuff that we mentioned in the proposal but haven't been carried out.

~~shitshitshit~~

anyway thoughts aside. my drama's starting in 5 minutes.

<3 sho

2006-12-01T15:58:00.000+08:00

I'm telling you, learning a new language is not easy.

I don't have any experiences of learning new languages because for one thing, I don't take 3rd lang. And learning English and Chinese from young doesn't count. Because that was more of exposure that really learning it.

Haiyoh...tried to learn Korean just now. It's obvious that my attempt to master the basics failed x/

I do get some stuff like the consonents and vowels etc, and abit of the sentence structure, but then my com got a bit screwed and apparently I think the korean words couldn't be registered. So the words came out in weird looking symbols. Then the more I read the more confused I got, so I decided to forget it.

I think if I really want to pick it up I have to go for lessons. Self-learning ain't that easy ):

<3 sho

2006-12-01T11:18:00.000+08:00

ANOTHER quiz.

i seem to be damn wuliao these days. actually i am, heh.

later must go stone in front of the tv and watch goong and stare at joo ji hoon's face xD

<3 heh.

the quiz:

Name the name of one of your friends starting from A and ending on Z

Amanda
Bernice
Charmaine
Dora
Edwin
F
G
Henrietta
Inessa (not really counted actually. I've seen her but never really talk to her, but heck)
Jessica
Katherine
Lynnette
Mengshi
Nicolette
O
Peter
Queenie
Rebekah
Shzehui
Tingwei
U
Vanessa
Weiqing
Xin Ping
Yidan
Zhengyi

How many siblings does A have? one. Jessica.
What does B sms you about? I don't even have B's number
What is C's nickname? Charmy, I think.
How did you get to know D? Classmate, and Judo batch mate.
How despo is E? O___O WAHAHA!
How much older/younger is F than you? I have no such friend.
Name 3 of G's best friends. G doesn't exist xD
Does H know I? Shouldn't be...
What happens if J suddenly turns into your enemy? Jessica Xie? As far as I can see it's unlikely to happen unless I do something to really piss her off. Anyway she's a pretty mild and nice person =D
Under what condition will K and L get married? For goodness sake they're both female.
How many people do you know with M's name? I don't know, but apparently she said there was another guy out there with the exact same name: Zhang Mengshi
Do you enjoy talking on the phone with N? I didn't talk to her or see her for more than 1 1/2 years...
Do you think O knows P? I have no O friend, so no.
How geeky is Q? Geeky meh.
Is R very popular? I have no idea. Haven't seen/talked to her in months.
What happens if S likes you? I'm quite sure that she likes me as a friend, nothing more xD
Is T a very random person? Dunno. Haven't talked to him since last year.
How are U and V related? They aren't xP
Do you take W as anything else other than a friend? No...but even then she's still a very good friend =)
When is the last time you met up with X? Orientation bag packing last friday.
Are Y and Z enemies? Shouldn't be the case.
Of A to Z which one do you love the most? Weiqing! Most probably...
Will you betray any of them? -flashes weird-ed look-
Have you loved and confessed to any one from A to Z? no.

2006-11-30T11:38:00.000+08:00

another quiz...

i can't believe december is here already. the holidays are steadily slipping away...

i wanna watch another korean drama before the hols are out xP probably my lovely sam soon or something.

sometimes when i look back and think about the stuff i've done so far, i feel a sense of loss. dunno why. and soemtimes when i look back i wonder how i got so addicted to goong -.- well it's because i saw a particularly interesting/sweet episode on channel u oneday and i started from there i guess. also the guy is very shuai xD

anyway the quiz.

Three things that scare me:
1. horrible grades
2. too silent, dark places
3. myself

Three people who make me laugh:
1. qing. sadly she's still in australia :( so no phonecalls.
2. my sister. sometimes, when we're doing stupid stuff like imitating all the ridiculous scenes in goong =D oh and last night i accidentally whacked an ice-cream cone out of her hand and was trying to catch it before it fell -.-
3. myself. sounds so freaky, because i can actually be sitting down staring into space laughing. because i remember past fynny events and that makes me laugh.

Three things I love:

1. close friends, i guess.
2. feeling appreciated and accepted.
3. God, but i'm not very close to Him, and He sure knows it.

Three things I hate:

1. being depressed
2. being put down by people and being made as a subject of comparison
3. myself, sometimes. that gets scary.

Three things I don't understand

1. friendships and how some never work out the way you want them to. and the difference between friendship and love. or are they interchangeable
2. how the phrase "forgive and forget" half applies to me, as in i forgive but i don't forget.
3. myself

Three things on my desk

1. some voodoo doll that my sistr drew on. actually when i first got it it wasn't voodoo but my sister drew on it and made it look that way
2. hairband
3. worksheets and books haphazardly stacked one on top of the other. as you can see i'm a highly organised person xP

Three things I'm doing right now

1. typing
2. breathing
3. blinking

Three things I want to do before I die:

1. go to church and make my family become more devoted
2. evangelise effectively =D
3. sort my feelings out properly instead of just pushing such issues to the back of my head

Three things I can do:

1. handstand xD
2. bite my nails till the cuticles bleed x/
3. lose a handphone at home =P

Three ways to describe my personality:

1. nervous, overly-anxious
2. lack of confidence
3. and possibly, cheerful, when the time is right.

Three things I can't do:

1. forward roll
2. do a proper prayer (something which I'm incapable of these days, which is bad)
3. be perfect xD

<3 sho

2006-11-29T10:15:00.000+08:00

hallo xD

i was supposed to wake up at 8-something to tag along withmy sister to get her new handphone, but i was too tired and overslept. i can still remember her asking me, "eh, you still going or not?" and my reply was something inaudible, i guess -.-"

so. here i am blogging and eating breakfast xP

oh, some interesting things i found.

"Girls are like parking lots. All the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped."

this one's lame but sounds funny
"When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."

A repair shop: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) xD

and there's alot of sick stuff im reading now.

im quite corrupted xD

<3 sho

2006-11-27T22:16:00.000+08:00

quiz i koped from miin's blog! haha i've started doing quizzes again

A 200 question fun survey:

full name: Tan Hui Shan Shona
birthday:090993
birthplace: singapore
eye colour: black
hair colour: black
height: 155-156cm. hope i can still grow x/
weight: about 48-49. i forgot, heh.
right handed or left handed? right
your heritage: chinese. i don't think i have any mixed heritage of that sort
my worst habit: biting nails, whether i am stressed or not
zodiac sign: virgo
shoe size: 6 1/2 to 7
pants size: well depends on the cut right. anyway my pants size is too depressing to mention xP
innie or outie? they mean introvert or extrovert or someone who likes to go out alot? i dunno, it depends on my mood. and the people.
parents still together? yeah, but what kind of a prying question is that.
the shoes you wore today? flip flops. diao.
goal you would like to achieve this year? have better complexion. and be more responsible.
your most overused phrase on on an instant messenger: haha. -that's so boring right-
thoughts upon first waking up: what time is it??
your best physical feature: uh, this question sounds abit wrong right. making me xiang wai x))
your bedtime? latelatelate.
your most missed memory: too many.

MY FAVOURITES
favourite colour: combination of black and hotpink, and maybe white too.
food? alotalot. heh.
sport? although i can play sports i don't exactly fancy it
animal? im not really an animal-lover
ice cream? b&j chocolate chip cookie dough =D
candy? sour power
store? me not a shopaholic
salad dressing? eh, the home type?
actor? uh actually i used to have alot, but now i don't think i have any more. i've gone off hilary duff. thank goodness. but right now i guess i like yoon eun hye for her pro acting x)
song: eh, maybe the goong one?? haha.
letter? miin so ego, go and put m as her favourite letter xD
number? i have to go ask my dad, i don't buy 4D
gum? i'm sick of it ^^
holiday? the december one
season: singapore don't have seasons. so sad ):
toothpaste flavour? mint. duh.
radio station? power 98
perfume? don't use perfume. too strong for my liking.
scent besides perfume? the haze smell xDDD
body part on the opposite sex? ...

FRIENDS AND LIFE

what do you want to be when you grow up? i...dunno??
how do you want to die? do i even have a choice in that?
turn ons: judging by miin's answer, this question is about guys. and i don't know.
turn offs: basically even if it's not in a relationship i hate guys who are bloody insensitive and selfish
which one of your friends acts most like you? none, i think. if there were it would be kinda creepy x/
who's the loudest? weiqing/shu
who makes you laugh the most? qing. trust me, the stuff we laugh about is very lame, but at that point of time it's funny xD))
who have you known the longest? i think maybe my neighbour clara. but sad thing is we don't keep in touch very often even though she lives one block away.
who's the shyest? rachel! eh, long time never talk to her alrd. how sad ):
when have you cried the most? on the phone, and before going to sleep. but not every night lah
what is the best feeling in the world? to feel appreciated and treasured by people. and to feel liberated xD
worst feeling? confusion and sadness.
where do you want to live when you grow up? my dad told me that if i get a scholarship and have to go overseas i should stay at that country for life if i get the chance. i'm not so sure.
if you could change one thing about you what would it be? have more confidence.
how long do you think you'll live? i never think about such stuff. i live life day to day.

FINISH EACH SENTENCE

let's walk on the: curb!
let's look at the: buffet xD
what a hot: guy
where did all the: friendships go?
why can't we: learn to forgive and forget?
silly, little: pok xD
isn't it weird that: you are sometimes actually closer to people you've met in the recent years as compared to those you've known for a longer time?
never under any circumstances: dress inappropriately. that is damn embarrassing.
i wish: i had better skin
everyone has a: heart. just depends on how they use it.
i am: myself.

HAVE YOU EVER

been in love? ...
been to juvie? NO...
mooned s0meone? ohman, this is a screwed question.
been rejected? well what is their definition of being rejected?
ran away from home? nah. i'm too guai to do that
pictured your crush naked? actually you don't have to do that there are some websites that enable you to put someone head onto another person's body.
skipped school? hardly.
though about suicide? sometimes. but that's when im super frustrated/sad
slept outside? school camps
laughed so hard you cried? again, with qing. i was laughing, crying, sweating (?!)
cried in school? ask my classmates.
thrown up in school? nope.
wanted to be a model? never.
cheated on someone. no.
done something really stupid that you still laugh at today? yah
seen a dead body? yes. it was horrible.
been bitched out? huh?
drank alcohol? nah.
smoked? no and never will. i hate it.
been on drugs? NO..
eaten sushi? yah. yay!
been on stage? mmhm.
gone skinny dipping? no.
shoplifted? of course not
been drunk? no.
been called a tease? what is that...
been beaten up? by sister or parents.

DO YOU

sing well? if you consider someone sounding like a screeching cat good singing, then i'm good.
shower daily? of course...
want to go to college? yup.
want to get married? ...
believe in yourself? depends
get motion sickness? when i read in the car. hah my answer's the same as miin's. i get headaches.
think you are attractive? o_O is that for me to judge?
get along with your parents? so-so. better than last year at least.
like thunderstorms? eh, no.
play an instrument? yes.
own an IPOD? no, i own an out-of-order mp3 player. stupid x/
pray? mmhm =)
go to church? not on a regular basis, but i'm pushing for that =D
sleep with stuffed animals? when i feel like it
keep a journal/diary? i've got a blog, but i also have a diary. been keeping it since p3 but i hardly write in it unless it's something really personal or what.
dance in the rain? no, i run in it xD
sing in the shower? sometimes xP

THIS OR THAT
pepsi or coke? don't they both taste the same...
McDonalds or Burger King? MacD. bk burgers are a little dry for my liking.
single or group dates? single. sometimes you can't be yourself in group dates.
chocolate or vanilla? chocolate
strawberries or blueberries? strawberries
meat or veggies? meat. actually depends on what type of meat and veggie.
TV or movie? i think TV. movies end too quickly. that's why korean dramas rock ^^
guitar or drums? guitar. drums make hell of a noise
Adidas or Nike? nike. cooler symbol xD
chinese or mexican? chinese. i am one, please.
cheerios or cornflakes? i dunno...
cake or pie? cake. too much pastry tastes sick.
MTV or VH1? neither. both are equally as annoying and gossipy.
blind or deaf? depends on the situation. if i were deaf i would never be able to make phonecalls again or listen to nice music and listen to stuff in church. if i were blind i wouldnt be able to see the world around me, or watch goong for that matter xD
boxers or briefs? uh...don't wear them, how am i supposed to know.

CAN YOU

split? no. i'm too stiff
write with both hands? i'd love to, but sadly, no.
whistle? yeps
blow a bubble? haha, yah!
roll you tongue in a circle? huh? no...
cross your eyes? yes! it makes me look goofy
walk with your toes curled? kind of
touch you nose with your tongue? nope.
dance? used to, but hey, i'm not that graceful.
eat whatever you want and not worry? haha, not really

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON

you touched? sister
you talked to on the phone? miin's mum -.-"
you instant messaged? miin, but she didn't reply.
you hugged? uh, i can't remember. which means i haven't really hugged anyone of late xD
you yelled at? sister. again.
you played a sport with? some aikido senior. don't know her name and still partnered her. she's damn pro lah she's already second dan.

WHAT'S THE LAST

time you laughed? watching some stupid goong thingy ^^ joo ji hoon is still shuai. ok i'd better snap out of it soon.
time you cried? last week while attempting to evangelise to my mum
movie you watched? First Daughter. upon my dad's request. i'm telling you, it's damn boring. such a disappointment.
flavour of gum you chewed? i haven't eaten gum for many months now. i bet the gum in the fridge is rotting away ^^
joke you told? i forgot...
song you've sung? past the point of no return. from phantom of the opera soundtrack

RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT

where are you? home.
what can you see out your window? hdb blocks.
are you listening to music? yah. "wishing you were somehow here again". more phantom of the opera stuff =D
do you believe that there's life on other planets? no.
do you believe in miracles? yes. they happened to me before.
magic? no, it's crap
love at first sight? that's kinda stupid right...
God? definitely.
satan? i believe that he exists but i don't believe in him.
ghosts? that depends. i don't know.
santa? please i've stop believing a long time ago.
evolution? no.

<3 sho

2006-11-25T21:40:00.000+08:00

xD

passed my grading, officially a brown 9-er

one more step to black belt!

whoo...

nowadays when i watch goong i want to cry, yet i can't cry, because my acting sucks and i have no idea how to make myself cry by putting myself in the shoes of the respective characters.

shin chae gyung can't make me cry. because her crying, although good, is a tad dramatic. when i see her cry i don't feel sad, i just feel sorry for her.

i am so pathetic, i've been trying to make myself cry by feeling emotional, but i can't. but my sis says that i look like everyone has just died when i cry.

she says, when i'm really sad (as in when i'm in a sad situation) i can cry. alot. haiyah my mum says that one of my weak spots is that i'm overly emotional. but, well, heck. i like crying. it's a good release for me.

and tears have a comforting feel =D

guess that i don't have the ability to put myself in the sad situation that the characters are in.

eh, but i actually like acting.

if only i could put a little more oomph into it. i can be angry and happy, but sad's a bit of a problem. can sound sad, look sad, but cannot cry.

><

<3 sho

2006-11-23T20:32:00.000+08:00

koped this quiz from jessica's blog.

1. what do you do when you're mad?
seeth, rage (duh), call people and scream about the situation, blog/write in diary, dao people, throw cushions around. haiyah xD

2. what's the worst thing you've done when you're mad?
show people my black face and be rude to nice people. and use f-words.

3. ever made anyone cry when you were mad?
i think my mum. oops. it's a long story.

4. ever physically hurt someone when you were mad?
eh, my sister. hehe. but that was a long time ago ^^

5. do you curse when you're mad?
seriously, you don't want to know how i curse xD

6. last time you cried your heart out?
eh, 27/10. see still can remember the date xP

7. ever cried yourself to sleep?
yah. the outcome is not good

8. ever cried on your friend's shoulder?
not literally, but i have cried in front of my friends.

9. do you cry when you get an injury?
i think that was eons ago. anyway i hardly get injuries, and if i do get them i'm too shocked by the pain to cry about it.

10. do certain songs make you cry?
depends...

11. what's the worst thing you've done to someone else?
hah, well.

12. how depressed can you get?
hah, you don't wanna know. i've been depressed for over a week before.

13. how much/when do you smile?
at random times x)

14. what can make you happy?
many things. this question is so general =D

15. do you wish you were happier?
i'm happy with who i am??

16. what about being with your friends? does that make you happy?
depends on the situation. sometimes friendships hurt me.

17. have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them?
well if someone pointed a gun to my head and asked me if i was christian or not i would say yes even if it meant that i would be shot. and i would probably die for my family, i think.

18. did you ever love a person and tell him/her that you loved him/her?
i may be expressive with my emotions, but not with such things. sadly.

19. have you ever loved someone so much that it made you cry?
i guess...

20. have you ever hated anyone that broke your heart?
dunno.

21. do you hate Bush?
haha, no comment =D that's the safest thing to do, if not i'll get sued.

22. do you have low self-esteem?
hah, you don't even need to ask me to know the answer.

23. do you believe in yourself?
cliched phrase...moving on... (*avoids question*)

24. what do you say when people say that they think you're good looking/pretty?
O_O are you sure?? you must be blind!

25. are you one of those idiots who think ugly dumb fat?
w.t.h??

26. ever wanted to kill yourself because you thought you weren't good enough?
...

<3 sho

2006-11-23T18:12:00.000+08:00

i have this sudden urge to change my blogskin. dunno why though, it just looks really gross to me all of a sudden.

anyway me is proud of little sis for nice psle results xD

nanyang, here she comes! haha!

you know i read on the internet that the actress who plays shin chae-gyung (ie yoon eun hye) is actually very quiet towards her fans when she first meets them as she is unsure if they are really her fans or anti-fans. basically the article stated, actually, more like requested, for her fans to be forgiving towards her initial behaviour towards them. because apparently whenever someone declares themselves to be her fan the first feeling she experiences is fear because she's been tricked like this many times before (ie the anti-fans claim to be her fans and then start throwing food at her etc) and as a result this has hurt her.

i was quite surprised when i read that. and confused. her personality portrayed in that article is so different from that of the role she plays in goong.

but then again you can't expect all actors to have the same personality as their characters. but it's just weird to hear about it, that's all.

however i sorta respect her in that sense. for some weird reason. hmm.

<3 sho

2006-11-21T17:01:00.000+08:00

hi =)

i. am. officially. addicted. to. goong.

heh. sometimes i don't understand why korean dramas are so appealing. apparently according to weiqing the plot is shallow, but it's appealing because the actors act well and look good. which makes sense i suppose.

but, eh, although i admit that shin (joo ji hoon) looks good i don't watch the show just to look at him. aiyah i don't know why i like it, okay?

anyway i can't resist not putting up some pictures here xD

Yoon Eun Hye (윤은혜) !

and joo ji hoon (주지훈) xD very shuai right

2006-11-19T13:50:00.000+08:00

i really lost it this morning.

i awoke to the sounds of my mum screaming at us to get up. come on, it's 9.27, and it's the holidays, can't you let us sleep abit more? apparently, no. for her, waking up after 9 is considered late o_O

after more screams i stumbled out of the bedroom to shu xi wan bi. i very nearly cursed at her lah but i kept it in so i just flashed my finger.

hah then she wanted me to help me insert the thumbdrive into the comptuer. huh why should i help her after insulting me so much this morning but no choice. i inserted it them pulled it out and it went flying. and mother freaked out. she caught the thumbdrive and whacked me and the hand. hard.

then i really lost it.

"give me the fucking thumbdrive. now."

THWACK!

<3 sho

2006-11-17T14:09:00.000+08:00

hello =)

i have nothing much to do these few days. sheesh

oh, just a random comment. talking with old friends over the phone is nice :)

cantata xD i pity those people who will be bugged by my phonecalls when qing leaves for australia. lucky pok xP

oh yah some lame pick up line i saw on sophia's display name: are you a broom? because you sweep me off my feet

-.-"

<3 sho

2006-11-15T14:53:00.000+08:00

quiz i koped from shi-tien's blog.

1. first name: shona

2. were you named after anyone? don't think so...

3. do you wish on stars? never did, and probably never will. don't believe xD

4. which finger is your favourite? second finger on right hand. it's bent xP

5. when did you last cry? cry as in big sob or tearing? if it's big sob then 27/10 tearing then yesterday while doing qt

6. do you like your handwriting? okay lah

7. what is your favourite meat? either salmon or steak.

8. any bad habits? biting nails, playing the piano at random times (i've played it at midnight before) and forgetting to close the lid, forgetting if i have turned off my handphone so i leave it on the whole night sometimes.

9. what is your most embarrassing cd on your shelf? i think maybe all my hilary duff cds. cannot believe that i used to be obsessed with her.

10. if you were another person, would you be friends with you? that's a difficult question. if that another person had a high level of tolerance then maybe yes.

11. are you a daredevil? depends on the situation.

12. have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? i don't usually swear not to tell, but it's understood even though the other person doesn't tell me not to tell lah. unless it's purely out of good intentions. i don't blab about secrets. i'm not that free.

13. do looks matter? to get a job, yes, but in general not really.

14. have you ever misused a word and it sounded completely stupid? i think so

15. do you think there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? no...

16. do fish have feelings? i seriously have no idea xP

17. are you trendy? heh, i don't follow trends. i have my own style xD so ego right

18. how do you release anger? cry like shit, talk to friends who are willing to hear me out, write in diary.

19. where are your second homes? dont have one i guess.

there's no 20

21. what was your favourite toy as a child? i think either polly pocket or hello kitty. barbie never appealed to me

22. what class in school do you think is totally useless? RS. hate it.

23. have you ever been on television? yea...why

24. do you keep a journal? yah. some stuff are just meant for my eyes only x)

25. do you use sarcasm alot? i suck at it xD

26. have you ever been in a mosh pit? huh??

27. what do you look for in a guy? i hate those sort of questions. but anyway i would like someone who just sticks by me, that's all. and someone who can talk xD

28. what are your nicknames? sho (friends). sister calls me shon-shon, mommy (?!?), jie jie (-.-)

29. would you bunjee? hah, maybe

30. do you untie your shoes when you take them off? yah. habit alrd.

31. what are you worried about right now? nothing really pressing, just trying to figure out where my friendships are heading towards. don't try to understand my way of thinking, it's too confusing.

32. do you wear overalls? nah

harh also got no number 33.

34. what is your favourite kind of biscuit? hello panda (they said biscuit not cookie xD)

35. favourite ice-cream flavour? b&j chocolate chip cookie dough. cookies and cream!

36. favourite colour(s): black blue pink (depends what shade), lime green

37. least fav thing in the world? too many to list. but i really hate couples necking in public and those chikopeks on mrts that try to go near you.

38. how many wisdom teeth do you have? i dont know if i have or not

39. are you in love with anyone? love as in what sense...

40. how many people have a crush on you? there shouldn't be any. i'm too ugly xP

41. who do you miss most right now. surprisingly, weiqing =D

<3 sho

2006-11-14T21:07:00.000+08:00

haih.

pretty much pissed with myself. deleted some very nice messages from my email inbox.

sigh. how could i be so careless? so what if the messages were sent a long time ago. i still like to read them.

<3 sho

2006-11-13T09:48:00.000+08:00

just read yidan's blog post.

sadly, due to the decadence of today's society, the world has been reduced to such a pathetic state.

based on personal experience, i've never really been hit by popularity before. why? simply because I knew that I had no means of becoming popular. I did try before, but it turned out like shit.

then it occured to me. why the hell do i have to go around showing people my smiley face just for the sake of being part of the cool crowd? why do i have to be something i'm not in popularity's name? WTF!

being popular is something everyone yearns. because everyone has that certain amount of vanity in them, that yearn to be glamourous. what bullshit. it won't get you anywhere. and for those who are really really popular, d'ya think that they're really happy? probably not. because for the sake of saving face, they hide their true emotions and true selves from the world.

and the part about ignorance and vulgarities being cool. Ignorance (ie daoing people) is NOT COOL. have the dao-ers ever thought about those who are being dao-ed by them? have they any idea how hurt/neglected they feel? especially if the one being dao-ed is a good friend of the dao-er. apparently not. unless they dao for super good reasons, like, they're pissed/depressed. then okay. but if you dao for the sake of LIKING TO DAO, then i think that you should snap out of it, because that's being very selfish. you only care about how you feel and your own satisfaction, but you don't give a damn about others' feelings.

shit.

friendships and popularity is always a very hard topic to talk about. because everytime i try to do that in my head i end up going round in circles.

so basically what is the concept of friendship?

and on another matter:

after taking a look at my progress report, you demanded to know why i didn't do better ,demanded to know why i had regressed, and why the teachers' comments were so...lousy.

Mummy. the only one who should be IN THE RIGHT TO scold me is daddy.
reason? hell, you didn't choke out a single fucking cent for my tuitions at all. and it's not that you're not working. and for 7 years since i started real schooling, you've never helped me in ANY of my subjects. not even chinese. all you did was nag and nag and nag and demand the results. when you didnt even put in the effort to at least zai pei us.

and daddy didn't even scold me okay. not that i hate my results--i'm merely satisfied with it. but the 3.7 gpa does not go to you. you don't even deserve to look at my report card. why should you? why would you even care? why do even BOTHER to show care and concern at the last minute when you didn't even show any before?

<3 sho

2006-11-10T21:04:00.000+08:00

hi =D

i feel...forgiven. and grateful =) Thank you.

i herby pledge that i will never make such rash decisions and jump to conclusions in future.

today in order to "escape" from my mum at home, my sis and i went down to jurong regional library. haha because sadly, we feel uncomfortable with my mum at home during the day. i know people may think it's very sad lah, but meh, it's okay. i'm used to it. and furthermore when she comes home in the evening i don't talk to her either xD

anyway it was quite stupid to go there because i didn't borrow any books; i just sat there and read my BOOK FROM HOME. the chinese version of Tuesdays with Morrie. It's a nice book about ren sheng =D oh yah and before that it was raining and we were trying to share the lan umbrella and had alot of problems trying to stuff the umbrella into the plastic sheet.

*adds "good foldable umbrella" to Christmas wishlist*

oh yeah when i stepped into the teenage section of the library i saw this skinny guy with a black windbreaker standing at the comics section. i immediately freaked out lah i thought it was edwin. sorry, my bad xP but upon closer inspection i realised that it wasn't (closer inspection constitutes fishing out the handphone and comparing the guy to the photo xD). but hey, they really had striking simliarities. like the hair and specs and height. AND THE WINDBREAKER. apparently my sis also freaked when she saw the guy because of the windbreaker -.-

but then again, come to think of it, why would he be all the way at jurong.

fell asleep while reading coz the aircon was making me super drowsy ^^

oh yeah those who may not know it, you can actually meet alot of people you know in libraries. for example i think i saw samuel and his mum today (henry park people should remember who he was right) and my henry park senior who is now in NUSH (eh i thought she was in nanyang).

then i dragged my sister along to jurong entertainment centre so i could use the toilets. the library ones are really creepy.

and bumped into the edwin lookalike on the second storey o_O

i like muah chee xD))

at the bus stop while waiting for my dad, a random thought crossed my mind. heh. i still remember the times when i was about P2 or 3, when school life was so carefree and exams weren't something pressurising, and when my dad was a less stressed guy (because his daughters' school syllabus was too manageable to give him any stress at all, because it was so basic), he used to come home damn early and say "hi, darling/baby" (don't xiang wai here please) when he first stepped into the house.

sigh. i miss the good ole days when we had daddy-daughter bonding, though at that time i had no idea about the concept of bonding. i wish we had more of it these days.

sometimes the after-exams freedom isn't so great anymore once you've had enough of it.

2006-11-09T14:49:00.000+08:00

hey!

went back to school today to get progress report ><

it was okay lah...daddy's happy =)

but i'm not. could have done much better. especially for chinese if i shen ti properly and not write out of point i could have maintained my 3.6

english 3.6 chinese 3.2 (GAHHHHHHHHHH!) math 4.0 (surprise surprise) geog 4.0 hist 4.0 lit 3.6 science 3.6 (phewwy) mep 3.6 (stupid subject)

gah! the sight of 3.6s is blinding.

but on the whole i'm okay xD

oh yah some smart pokks like shelley maintained their 4.0. zai-ded! haha congrats!

my dad says he wants to bring me out over the weekend to celebrate o_O

better get between 3.8-3.9 next year. or else xP

<3 sho

2006-11-08T21:57:00.000+08:00

you know sometimes i think i just gotta let it go.

i feel so sad that i want to scream already

i hate this man but i can't seem to get myself out of it.

what's more i have aikido grading this saturday and if i don't get my sankkyu and yonkkyu (whatever the spelling is) techniques correct is will FAIL my grading and not get a brown 9.

and i still have all the other stupid techniques like seoinage to master. and what's more depressing is that i can never seem to master my ura and omote (haiyah whatever) stuff while my sister can.

and i call myself a brown 8. and i can't even roll properly. and oh shit i just forgot the names of the different rolling techniques. shat. puei.

<3 sho

2006-11-08T14:36:00.000+08:00

i am sick of being unhappy and having unhappy posts.

i'm not saying that i'm entirely happy now, but i'm fine.

really. REALLY!

anyway some meaningful stuff i koped from shzehui's blog =)

living a christian life is like taking a walk with God. you hold His hand and walk beside Him, not in front or behind.sometimes you walk through grassy fields and everything is easy and nice. sometimes you walk through sandstorms and rain. you can't see what's in front of your face, but you just have to hold His hand tight and trust that He knows the best roads to take. you don't know where He's leading you, except that He promises it's good. you just take His word for it and do your best to take every single step well. there are times when your feet get tired, and you ask Him for help to go on. so He carries you and lends you His strength and patience to go through the tough parts.and at the end, when you reach your destination, you look back at the journey you've taken and thank Him for a good walk together.

it was supposed to be in paragraphs but somehow or other it turned out like that. but anyway.

heh.

<3 sho

2006-11-07T11:17:00.000+08:00

and anyway we all know that im sad. so i deleted the previous entry x)

but after talking to kezia i feel much better.

convo:

lalala says:
ask god to help her know god
lalala says:
and pray for her salvation
...(undisclosed convo)

alala says:
and with that you can become closer friends
lalala says:
cause you can be more open to each other
lalala says:
spiritually

thanks kezia =)

now back to work on my part.

honestly, i hate relationships falling apart. the scars that were left from previous broken relationships have never really healed. sadly.

and so now that's probably the reason why i hang on to relationships that i find are worth hanging on to. i think people find me damn despo, AND ANNOYING, but hey, thats just the way i am.

they say that history shapes the present and the future. now in this case, it has a certain amount of truth in it. whatever happened to me years ago actually shaped the person i am today.

but the thing is, why should i let something as inanimate (sorry to thiose history lovers out there) as history affect who i am today. why should history take over and control my mind??

darn. anyway, whatever it is im gonna face whatever it is out there. and whatever it takes. im determined not to lose this friendship ~~like how the one between qing and me disintergrated~~. fortunately, we're muchmuch better now.

anyway, deathnote. some people said it sucked, but i think its quite okay lah. just dont like the ending.

i think the jap guys are damn cute >< especially the "L" guy.the one who keeps chewing on this thumb. argh but whatever lah.

<3 ho

2006-11-06T11:10:00.000+08:00

it was like the most beautiful thing i'd ever seen over these few days of boredom and despair.

but i am still sad.

darn it i need to go out and breathe some fresh air. with friends.

<3 sho

2006-11-04T14:04:00.000+08:00

haha, can you people actually believe that I've been sad for the past few days yet not show it?

everyday, when the sun rises, i drag myself out of bed and get ready to face the long day ahead of me.

and i'm fully aware that i feel like this :( nearly every morning for the past few days, but yet i cannot show people that i'm :( coz it would ruin the after-exams and holidays-will-be-here mood.

so everyday i plaster on some smile and bravely face the day.

the weird part? at school, or anywhere else, I'm actually genuinely happy, yet not happy. i mean like, take for example, yesterday's visit to henry park. i was actually laughing and having a great time with my ex-classmates, but there was this sinking feeling in my heart that was just, bugging me. and everytime that feeling arose i would stop laughing and think: hey, why am i so happy? and yet, i would continue to ignore the feeling and laugh to my heart's content.

back home, its a different story. i'm stone, and i dao practically everyone. it's not so bad during the day, coz i still have to show my "happy" face to people, but at night that feeling would be like a nagging feeling that won't go away.

and even more weirdly, i'm not exactly sad for my sake either.

and the weirdest part? I'm didn't even cry at all. perhaps i'm too numb with concern/worry to even think about anything else.

thank God for the holidays. if this was the school term and if this actually happened, there would come a day where i would break down in class.

and the best part is, my parents don't know me well enough to see that i'm sad from my behaviour and facial expression. they're just too caught up with THE 4.0 GPA.

and for this i am grateful.

<3 sho

2006-11-03T15:04:00.000+08:00

hey.

i feel quite sleepy and moody now so this post will be...slipshod. heh.

last day of school. felt quite sad lorh. although at first i didnt like 1/11 for the lack of class spirit but now it turns that that, hey, 1/11 ain't so bad afterall. too bad we won't be in the same class next year.

at assembly:

1/11's last moments ): and the people at recess

rachel (left) and jiayi (right)

qing xD

mengshi and jane

evil grin xP

stacey =D

boohoo ):

and then i waited like hell for miin.

kept looking at the contents of my phone and getting depressed (what for man).

then we met up with the rest at henry park.

taking photos ain't easy here.

ryan joosh chia. and royston but i didnt take him because of chia's stupid hand. and miin was beside me =D

they are damn racist x)

<3 sho

2006-11-02T12:39:00.000+08:00

it's like...

running away from reality.

trying to forget things and pretending that they never happened IS a sign of weakness.

therefore i am a weak person =)

it was like, yesterday, the whole day i tried not to think about it. when wu lao shi started talking about *something*, i smiled and went along with it, and for a moment everything seemed brighter, clearer.

sorry, sidetrack abit, but i think my chinese tuition teacher rocks. for one thing, even though i just passed my chinese and went out of point for the compo, she actually believed that i had tried my best. and even when i apologised to her for not doing well enough, she said that there was nothing to be sorry about, because that was already my best given the circumstances. then she went on about how we cannot expect to succeed all the time in life so the only thing i had to do now was to pick up the pieces and learn from my mistakes.

for one thing, i've never had someone who had so much trust/faith in me. that's something that i cannot obtain EVEN FROM MY OWN FAMILY, believe me. this may sound cheesy, but sometimes, you learn to be grateful towards those who actually light up your life. never take people for granted.

anyway back to the main topic. i'm just waiting and hoping down here. i have no idea what's going on, and im living each day in some kind of fog. but what i do know is that what i am doing (worrying, being concerned, etc) is for the person's sake rather than my own. hell, what does it matter if i don't talk for a few days? the person isn't comfortable with it, and I'm not gonna die if i don't talk! so wth, I'm gonna put others' needs before mine at this point. and the need isn't exactly difficult to fulfil although i proclaim that i am a talkative person (which i am, actually, but depending on the situation), so why not make the person "happier" first in that sense?

<3 sho

2006-11-01T12:33:00.000+08:00

hi...

netball carn today. yah i know very un-enthu response but i dont really care, coz i was so sleepy and nervous (not really, but still) and blur so.

i was a lousy centre player. either that or all the others CENTRES were taller (which is obviously an advantage) or rougher (they broke so many contact rules, wth) and stepped into the shooting circle.

but there was one part quite obscene lah. while playing against 109 i got the ball, then there was a scuffle, i fell backwards and somehow my shorts got pulled upwards and nearly ripped. haiyoh. but nevermind we still got the ball.

~~anyway i sound too happy already. because in actual fact, im not, and this blog post would sound so weird if i write in two contrasting moods, but seriosuly i dont give a damn~~

~~when i read it, my heart dropped.~~

oh man. seriously. i don't know how to help you in this, mainly because im not trained on how to deal with such things.

i seriously wish there was something i could do to help. i feel so hopeless, standing around here enjoying life while you suffer the torture of your emotions.

but at this point, i know there's nothing i can do, because i'll probably make things worse. i'm just grateful that you're not treating me like a punching bag (ie not expecting me to solve problems for you), unlike how i've probably been treating you for the past week. and that statement itself sounds very selfish. but i just feel like an onlooker, looking through a glass dome with you trapped inside. the glass dome being you-know-what. and you're struggling and screaming and fighting to get the hell outta there, but no one can reach you, no one can hear your pleas although they can see you writhing in that thingy that is almost equivalent to hell itself. and it pains us, to know that you have to break free using your own strength and willpower. you're seperated from the rest of the world by this enclosure, and no one can save you either, even if they wanted to, because the glass is so thick that both parties would get hurt if the outside party tried to save the inside party. literally hurt. it can only be broken by the inside party, somehow or other.

im very sorry. for being insensitive. somehow the word sorry doesnt really work, ya'know? i mean, it can be really shallow sometimes. how can a single word express everything that you're feeling. unless that word is just for convenience and you just want to say it to worm your way out of things the cheapskate method. the insincere method. but really, im not! i want to say a whole lot of things, but the only thing that can come out of my mouth is "sorry". and now the thing im stressing about now is on how to express my emotions, when youre facing a bigger problem than that.

well i just have to come to terms with the fact that im a fucking selfish bitchy pig. wait, how can a pig be bitchy. but whatever, thats besides the point. oh man. i hate feeling zibei, but i feel so, useless, now.

to be really honest, i can only help you within my means (that means pray for you and stuff and hope things will make a turn for the better). which sucks, really, because i know that youre fighting with yourself and yet i'm not able to do anything that would be of help.

take care, okay? just...well...dont get hurt. sorry. take care.

but really, is it really helpful to get worried?is it helpful for the person who's suffering to know that someone else is worrying, or would it harm the person more emotionally? but really, in such situations, i can't not be worried. who expects anyone to, anyway. and. i'm not worried just because this is gonna cut off our smsing or calls for a couple of days and i would be deprived of chatter, because that would be fucking selfish and tactless. it's more than that. i worry for good reasons, and that is something i know i am capable of doing. i do care about you, okay, i really do, but its just that...

hurgh stupid. im contradicting myself.

<3>

2006-10-31T16:05:00.000+08:00

hello!

i think today was one of my most enlightening days.

ever.

apart from the fact that i was grouchy and drowsy in the morning and slept through some presentation about skin care.

but anyway.

i went for some workshop about peer pressure and self-esteem. which i really needed, actually. it wasnt exactly a pour-out-your-problems-and-i'll-solve-them session, but more like understanding why peole had low self-esteem and how to overcome it. one of the ways to overcome your self-esteem problem is to keep telling yourself that you can. which i havent been doing lately. like today, when the teacher asked us to introduce ourselves and say three good points about ourselves, i couldnt find any good points, but all the negative stuff about me just kept popping up into my head. it was damn sickening.

but now i know for sure that im not totally useless. or stupid either. or the-daughter-who-got-a-lousy-psle-score, or so my mum says.

to hell with her ****ing remarks. i dont need to keep hearing about how other kids are better than us. too bad lorh, she's got stuck with such "lousy" kids.

but anyway, it kinda lifted me up lah. i mean, im not like totally "cured" of my lack of confidence but i suppose i can increase it lah xD

and the signing of the cca transfer form.

i was so freaked out coz i was waiting for miss seah's phonecall and then my handphone starting ringing in class. but then anyway i told her i wanted to talk to her in person about "matters regarding judo" so i chionged in the rain to the Anderson staffroom.

i met with something totally unexpected.

i dropped the bomb. she wasnt surprised at all and told me that ms hoo told her that i would be quitting. i was entirely taken by surprise. so i thought that she should be given an explaination. so i poured my heart out to her (fine, not really, but almost) and told her everything about how i felt about the cca, the batch (mostly the batch), my confidence problem, my partner problem ever since yinleng quit etc. she was so understanding. i didnt even catch a glimpse of the cold look on her face that she usually has when she's pissed with students. i must have apologised a thousand times.

then she signed it and adviced me that i should not actually quit the cca just because one of my batchmates were absent.

Thank you miss seah. I'm really grateful for your understanding and kind nature. although you can be really cold and scary sometimes, you still rock!

i think it was really a stroke of luck for me to be taken out of 1/10 at the begining of the year and placed into 1/11. if not i wouldnt have had miss seah as my form teacher.

thank you so much =)

and Girls' Brigade teacher i/cs, thank you for accepting me into your cca.

This is the start of something new.

and by the way, im not exhilarated due to the fact that i transferred to another cca. that would be damn tactless. of course im happy, but im not like, evilly happy so to speak. im grateful, and relieved.

at least ive gotten this weight off my shoulders. i thank miss seah for listening to me crap on. but i just had to let it out; i'd been bearing it and keeping it in for too long.

thank you miss seah (did i say that already?)^^ nvm doesnt hurt to say it again xD

p.s: i will support judo finals next year kay? unless i have some summative or sthing.

<3 sho

2006-10-30T15:15:00.000+08:00

It's bloody annoying lah I tell you.

My character/personality/habits are shit.

for one thing, i get sad if people cease to reply my smses. ?! what kind of thing is that man. and when i get sad, it's like having literal heartache, and the ache won't go away until that person replies me again. surprisingly it does not happen to all people who i sms. like that does not happen when my tuition teacher smses me xD if not that would be quite retarded.

but anyway it is annoying. i was so sad once that i called the person up and cried like a stupid whale, believe me. mood swings?? this time i dunno.

then there's also the part about going out. whenever i ask people to go out with me and they turn me down, i feel guilty coz i think that im disturbing them/invading their privacy/wasting their time and therefore they turn me down. i also feel guilty due to the reason that ive wasted their time asking them. and if they say yes, i feel happy lah, but i also feel guilty because firstly, they might be putting on a false front (i know im damn suspiscious of people and i overthink) and secondly, it makes me feel despo and whenever i think of people looking at me as a despo person i feel embarrassed and whatever. so therefore before i ask someone to go out with me again i actually have to make myself wait for a period of time before asking them again. its damn stupid i think.

other people have the guts to ask, not that i dont, its just that everytime i do it i feel guilty/sad. aaaand. here's the best part. when i want to go out with the person very much but the person just cant go out, i feel guilty and have that stupid heartache shit feeling again. its damn pain okay. i mean not literally but emotionally.

this is damn stupid. im fricking annoyed with myself. shzehui said that there's nothing wrong asking someone to go out with you coz the person whom you are asking should feel honoured. but you see the thing is right, i ask people out. people never ask me, apart from miin. so that already makes me feel despo. and in primary school i used to self-invite myself to weiqing's house, but she says that she's never really felt that i was being pushy.

that's weird. i feel so despo and neglected.

goodbye

<3 sho

2006-10-29T22:21:00.000+08:00

daddy daughter bonding =)

while my sister went out with her ~~bimbo~~ friend -.- what do you expect; she came home with a fergie cd o_O

its been such a long time since we had that sorta thing. what with eoys and all. those stupid activities that were supposed to be enriching and nurturing only brought us further apart. its like, every day i disappear into the study room, take out my books, study, or else i'd be grumbling on the judo bus whereas my dad would be burying his head in office work, and going for tuitions in the night. we hardly get to see each other.

until today lah. for the first time in 2 long months. i really missed it.

we went to Jack's Place coz he said he wanted to use up this coupon and it would expire if we didnt use it soon anyway. so fine we went there. ate stuff. i wont have to go through exactly what we ate lah, but we did talk. he got pissed with me -.- but that's okay, coz we still talked. as in we actually got to understand more of each other and he actually had a deeper insight into what i was going through in school (not the friend part, the studies) and my friends. then we were laughing at the hci guy sitting at the next table coz his pockets looked ridiculously weird xD
but anyway, bottom line, we talked.

yah then i went to the library for an hour xP read some stupid sickening book with corrupted content.

then got sian so we bundled into the car and drove home. more chatter. i told him about edwin actually coz my conscience was getting into the way and i had to tell him before i lied even more in the future. he didnt interrogate me like how my mum would. i know she will if i told her. i mean like, he took the attitude of: there's nothing wrong with making friends with a guy as long as it doesnt go out of hand. yah. and then i asked him if i were to go out with a guy, but not on a date, would he allow me to? he said yes, but as long as it's in a group.

oops ><

anyway i wanna go watch my korean drama. haha!

<3 sho

2006-10-27T20:02:00.000+08:00

to clear off that unhappy post, let me enlighten you with an even unhappier post xD

i got the cca transfer form today xD 7 steps in total for you to *finally* get booted out of your cca.

step 3 is weird.

it says: current cca teacher i/c to counsel pupil (and inform her parents if necessary) about possible negative consequences as a result of resignation.

firstly, i dont want counselling. im perfectly sane, thank you very much.

secondly, i know this is about "making informed decisions" (and this is actually the first time ive actually used one of the 16 habits of mind in my blog post) but this is something ive thought about for a long time already, and this decision was not based on impulse. so i feel that this decision was well thought through before i carried the action out. so if there are any consequences, or scoldings, whatsoever, im willing to take it, coz it was partly my fault for "not making informed decisions" in the first place. and because i want to get it over and done with. heh.

thirdly, i dont think that any negative consequences will be brought to the team if i quit, coz it wouldnt make much of a difference. im probably a curse more than a blessing to the team already. my presence will most likely be a burden to them. and as for me, my leaps points will be erased, but its only 1 miserable point, so its not much of a loss.

fourthly, any sports cca costs money. im not gonna pay for something that i feel miserable doing. coz its simply not worth the money (ie you pay to get tortured both mentally and physically)

fifthly, im sorry, but i just cant handle the pressure any longer. yeah i know im a loser, whatever, but i really cant stand up to it anymore. judo is a sport that requires confidence. im sorry, but i just dont have that confidence, that spark that youre looking for. you might say that judo could train my confidence and increase it, but by fighting with people who's judo skills are definitely better than mine, my confidence already starts diminishing. its a vicious cycle.

sixthly, i dont fit in. quite a lame excuse but it's important for people like me whose self-esteem is really low. because judo is a challenging sport, both mentally and physically. if you cant even fit in, there wont be anything cheering you on, or encouraging you during trng. you are left to face the hell yourself, and unfortunately i'm not ready/strong enough to take on that challenge. every trng i wonder about who im gonna partner, and when i look at those people who do actually have fixed partners, i feel really zibei. the insecurities i face every trng is too much for me to bear.

and seventhly ( i have no idea if there's actually such a term), you may ask, shouldnt you join the cca because you have passion for the cca itself, and not the people within the cca? but you see, its really hard for you to train sports without someone as your motivator. unless you set your own goals and be your own motivator. but in judo, i foresee that my future is bleak. i aint even good at the sport, please.

so those people like renee and yimin and kristy and dora, count yourselves lucky. coz you have people backing you up all the time, encouraging you.

and please, those in judo, stop bringing this matter up okay. i'll settle my own problems. sorry.

<3 sho

2006-10-27T15:41:00.000+08:00

it feeds on me, leeching onto my flesh, sucking the life out of me, until nothing but a mere shell, a mere memory (or perhaps not even a memory) of me is left.

is it called adolescene or teenage angst? or mood swings.

i think that in this case, mood swings are unlikely. although they are common with me.

no, im quite sure, its definitely not mood swings.

or is it??

i need to talk to someone. NOW.

grab the telelphone and punch in a number. any number.

some person picks up the phone. he sounds friendly. enough. but who knows what may be going inside his head.

~~i pity him. for having such a pathetic friend. but he's the only one i can talk to.~~

~~and the number will be 62841283~~

<3 sho

2006-10-26T20:39:00.000+08:00

Hi!

today was...

results day!!

haha i dont feel like talking about it leh. except that chinese was a real *beep* failure.

i suck man. i have no face to face my tuition teacher who will most probably be damn upset with me. sigh.

i hate disappointing people.

and then i forgot to bring umbrella. how good is that?? well at least i had the experience of running in the rain. so suay im telling you. me sophia catharine were at the traffic junction then it started to rain quite heavily. then sophia was like: wanna run?? actually i wasnt really listening to her, heh, but then when the light turned green i saw the man in front of me running and suddenly i just started running -.-

psychotic right. and then sophia was running in front of me and screaming and turning back to see if i was running o.O

and i didnt know how long the pavement would last till the bus stop, but i just ran like the devil himself was after me xP

and then, FINALLY. the bus stop. omg you should have seen me and sophia.

pinafore/blouse=wet
hair=wet and flattened
specs=full of water droplets on the lenses.
bag=wet like what
papers=...
shoes=looked sick (ie wet)

yah the papers. my math pt rubrics got squashed and wet. grrr. but at least my marks were still visible.

stupid then still had to catch the bus to mrt. waited for catharine who was happily sauntering along with an UMBRELLA.

pfft.

then at the mrt station (novena) this random woman came up to me and said: aiyoh, girl, so wet! and i was like: *smile* hehe. i didnt really know how to respond. then i said i forgot my umbrella -.-

then outside united square i walked into a puddle. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it was muddy water, by the way.

yah i went for ms chan tuition and learned index notation (sec 2 work okay). ~~i think it's more worth it than JUDO TRANING~~

<3 sho

2006-10-25T16:04:00.000+08:00

hello.

i am as usual sleepy. dont feel like skipping or swimming or anything. i wanna sleep but yet dun wanna sleep.

haiyoh.

anyway went back to hpps today. i spent 1 hour eating breakfast in the morning and slacking and playing piano while eating then kicked up a big fuss with myself for not knowing what to wear and then I FINALLY got onto the bus.

how coincidental. miin was there too on that 75 bus. shu's premontion was correct after all.

made her feel paiseh about her short shirt ^^

then we saw shu waiting opp the jelita bustop. wah she looked damn sian and bored. almost...senile xD haha!

then miin got obssessed with ian. thats stupid.

all this will be in chronological order:

screamed at miin to walk faster, went to music room, went out of music room coz ms chua was busy lecturing some small kid, went into lift, talked to ms chua in the lift, went out of lift, visited the p6 gep classes but none of them were in class surprisingly, doodled on the board, took lame pictures, hung around the seventh storey, met miin and ian, called mrs idil, met mrs i near GO, opened staff room door for us, hung around, went downstairs to eat rou mian, finish eating, catch up with juniors, talked to sharmaine, then talk to wenhui, eat summore, said bye to shu and miin, hung around with wenhui, talked to ms chiang mdm roSAIdah (hehe) and mrs i, listened to mschiang teach the p5s simple machines, got chased off (in a friendly manner) coz i was "distracting" them (yeah right xP), tried to look for dai lao shi, couldnt find her, went back to study haven, then to staffroom, fortunately huang lao shi opened the door for me, talked to dai for goodness knows how long, then went home, nearly missed the 75 bus coz my stupid phone was vibrating and some unknown number showed up.

aiyah.

you know, i suddenly have this weird feeling that that number was mrs idil's number.

oh no and i cut the call off.

shit.

<3 sho

2006-10-24T15:15:00.000+08:00

heyo!

i just ate dimsum -.- very sian and sleepy *blur look*

now listening to panic! at the disco's lying is the most fun thing a girl can do without taking her clothes off.

yes, that's the title.

and speaking of panic! at the disco, my sister just bought the cd today xD she's very happy. so am i! that means i have to chuck out most of the hilary duff songs in my mp3 to replace them with panic! at the disco songs. im getting sick of hilary duff. i guess my music tastes are more varied now. which is a good thing lah i suppose. and goodness, my mp3 is filled with her songs. i will go chuck out the ugly sounding ones xD

and that also means that edwin does not have to pay me interest xD

i was at gramophone today and out of curiosity i listened to one lost prophets song. not bad lah. i think i'll borrow the cd from edwin. see my mood first xP

then i felt very guilty leh. before my dad wanted to buy the cd for my sister he asked me if i wanted anything. wah biang. one cd already almost 20 bucks and still ask me if i want anything. i didnt want. my sister kept bugging me to get the fergie cd (the dutchess) but then i thought: aiyoh, waste so much money. so in the end we didnt get the fergie cd. HAHA. what a considerate daughter i am. my dad's lucky to have me ^^

okayokay i'm ego x/

going off to henry park with shu and miin tmr. i wnana eat the food and talk to dai lao shi. never talk to her properly in 9 months already. sigh.

<3 sho

2006-10-23T10:37:00.000+08:00

hey!

just have to make a comment on this lah.

i was smsing miin last saturday (2 days ago) and she was trying to get me to tell her something and telling me that it would be bad if i wasnt careful enough.

whatever it is, i didnt tell her anything. i just didnt want to. didnt feel comfortable with it.

it's just part of my personal life, okay? so i would highly appreciate it if you guys wouldnt ask either.

my thoughts are for me only and for those who i want to tell xD

dont get me wrong, i dont hate telling you about my stuff. its just that...in this case, its different lah. its quite a sensitive and touchy issue for me. okay not really sensitive just...

aiyah its very hard to describe it lah. its just private okay? anyway you get the message xP

<3 sho

2006-10-20T17:40:00.000+08:00

so...

let me give you a blow-by-blow account of what i did in the past four hours xD i very boliao mah, after eoys already, can slack.

went out with edwin today to city hall.

caught the bus to clementi mrt. missed the train heading for pasir ris by 1 minute. pfft. got to city hall LATER than him when he left the house later than me. saw him walking down there at the passenger service booth in that black
windbreaker. i recognised him from the windbreaker -.-

pfft. nervousness got me abit blur after a while. got kena-ed by the escalator 3 times, whacked a lady accidentally, and nearly went up the wrong escalator (the escalator was coming down and i wanted to go up -.-)

but quite fun lah. lent $20 bucks (paisehpaiseh xP), got forced to accept treats (ahem) then edwin kena bankrupt because he kept treating me but wanted to buy this cd that he was trying to find for more than a year very badly. ate bread talk bun. also another treat, pfft. dropped pork floss all over the floor. damn funny lah we retraced our steps and found bits and pieces of pork floss lying on the floor ^^

then the BOOKSHOP. sick books with lame humour. nice graphics that cost 5 1/2 cents per graphic. and the book cost 20-something bucks. for a couple of advice and graphics. HAHA!

then more food. insisted on treating me so fine. wanted to treat edwin back but then he would not buy the food if i treated him, so no choice. tried to handle a spoon with my left hand. obviously not a very good idea.

and lame chats. hee.

the mrt back home. was about to fall asleep if not for the old lady sitting beside me with pursed lips. i wanted to laugh =D

whatever lah.

<3>

2006-10-20T11:01:00.000+08:00

and. the. eoys. are. over.

I FEEL LIBERATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

List of things to do after eoys (ie. starting from now)

1. KILL EDWIN xD

going out later! whoopeeeee!

~~(honestly i rather go out than do class banner)~~

~~whatever lah. im not enthu anymore, and i dun wanna be fakely enthu, so whats the point.~~

im damn excited lah!

gonna watch stuff on youtube now. hehe

<3>

2006-10-14T22:08:00.000+08:00

Van sent me this thingy. Quizzes are always a good form of blog posts, coz you dont have to think xD

1. What is your full name?
Tan Hui Shan Shona. I dont like my name reversed like this :(

2. What colour pants are you wearing?
Black? They're the rgs shorts xP

3. What are you listening to right now?
My fingers hitting the keys...and the windchime xD

4. What are the last four digits of your phone number?
Home number is 1682, handphone is 2827

5. What was the last thing you ate?
White bread with chicken floss--selfmade!!

6. If you were a crayon what colour would you be?
i dunno. I have mood swings.

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone.
my dad.

8. The first thing you notice about the opposite gender?
first of all, you notice that they ARE of the opposite gender right...

9. Do you like the person who sent you this?
wooHOO! starjump xD

10. What's your favourite drink?
fruit juice...what a health freak i am xD

11. What's your favourite alcoholic drink?
I havent done such things...

12. What's ypur favourite sport?
Dont have one. i get sick of the same sport over time. But i havent gotten sick of aikido yet. wonder why...

13. What's your hair colour?
Black

14. Eye colour?
Black.

15. Do you wear contacts?
No i wear nerdy specs xD

16. Siblings and their ages?
Sister who's 12.

17. Favourite month?
December!

18. Last movie you watched?
I mean whole movie here, not bits and pieces. Devil Wears Prada.

19. Favourite day of the year?
shouldnt it be favourite day of the week?? xD

20. are you too shy to ask someone out?
depends lorh.

21. summer or winter?
summer xD

22. Hugs or kisses?
depends on what time and from who.

23. Relationships or one night stands?
Relationships. please.

24. Chocolate or vanilla?
Havent you heard of OTHER FLAVOURS...

25. Who is most likely to respond?
huh?

26. who is most likely not to respond?
ditto of no. 25

27. Living preferences??
I...dunno?

28. What's on your mouse pad??
im not using one

29. What did you do last night??
sleep lorh...

30. Favourite flavour??
cookies and cream!

31. Can you touch your nose with your tongue??
nah.

32. What inspires you??
people who believe in me?? yeahyeah sounds cliche but its true.

33. Buttered/Plain/Salted Popcorn??
sweet!

34. Favourite type of car??
aiyah whatever lah.

35. Favourite type of flower??
i dont fancy em.

36. How many keys are there on your key ring??
1. how pathetic xD

37. Can you juggle??
no!!

38. Can you put your toes in your mouth??
can.

39. Do you have a crush (or a relationship)?
no. i dont think so lah
40. Name of your crush/stead??
...

41. Star Sign??
virgo

42. Favourite Movie??
alot...

43. Favourite Girl & Boy??
haha

44. Ever Been Kissed By a Boy/Girl you like??
no.

45. Favourite Brand?
anythings fine. as long as its nice.

46. Movies or Series??
movies. unless its korean drama xD

47. Novels or short stories?
i dont read alot

48. Online chatting or SMS?
depends lorh. phone calls are the best!

49. Shoes or barefooted?
bleargh

50. Backpack or slingbag?
slingbag. looks alot cooler xD

<3 sho

2006-10-13T20:26:00.000+08:00

Hey!

for the benefit of those lucky poks (for example, edwin xD) who have finished their eoys, i shall update my blog.

anyway, today we didnt have stupid assembly (last week i slept through most of it. coz it was so boring and they were talking about exam procedures.). i thought it was a slack block, but then ms seah came into class so...

okay she started talking about us giving her feedback so she handed us all these paper to give feedback. i didnt want to write my name so i disguised my handwriting, but turned out rather unsuccessful. anyway, then ms seah gave out the credit slips. i didnt get any, which isnt very surprising due to the fact that i'm not like those ~~loud mouthed people~~ who go around yelling in class and behaving in an enthu manner. i know i zip up in class alot.

i like zipping up =) and talking to people i want to talk to only. ~~(go ask edwin. do i zip up while talking to him?)~~

anyway, ms seah was quite sweet today lah. she gave us cake (coz no one in our class got booked for the term) and made this video for us depicting our class for the whole year. my picture looked so gonga. esp the video at international coastal cleanup. haiyoh. i looked so pissed and sleepy and blur -.-

anyway. science eoy. okay lah. i dont feel like talking about it.

oh yeah my oral grades are back. 27/30! im happy!

<3 sho

2006-10-10T21:35:00.000+08:00

stupid eoys...

anyway, the haze is back with a vengence -.-

okay not really lah.

oh yeah, im selected to become a JPSL

not that's its a very big deal anyway.

haha anyway gotta go back to mugging. pfft.

<3 sho

2006-10-06T19:03:00.000+08:00

can people just stop saying "mean".

and can i not be misunderstood.

PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE?????

maybe i won't talk. i'll dao everyone at school and keep my mouth shut. coz (quoting James Keller here) everytime i open my mouth, frogs jump out.

so i shan't say anything. and you can't make me. i'll only tell those who i think deserve to know.

and eoys are coming. shit lah.

<3 sho

2006-09-28T21:03:00.000+08:00

ANOTHER of miin's quiz.

Read each question below, for every question, you must type in the first name that comes into your mind. just one. YOU ARE NOT INCLUDED.

1. u sit near to in class
rachel xD

2. has great looking hair
uh...i like dora's fluffy hair??

3. has a great smile
nancy

4. has a deep voice?
if its not michael kwan it would be tom. whatever.

5. has a cute laugh
shzehui!

6. has a wild laugh
sophia...

7. looks cute with makeup on
DENGQING DENGQING!

8. is lame
EDWIN. oh my goodness.

9. is good in drawing
shzehui!

10. is tall
DORA

11. has C.A.T. hair
do they mean gatsby?

12. has good penmanship
rachel!

13. is good in math
MENGSHIIIIII

14. has pink cheeks
shzehui. slightly. if not dengqing xD

15. is good in volleyball
dunno...maybe my senior susanta. she wants to join volleyball next yr in rjc

16. is good in badminton
jessica chan/amanda cheu

17. loves to play the guitar
yingyue!

18. loves his/her cell
shzehui!

19. is tall.
u mean another person? addie??

20. is short
haha bit insensitive rite...

21. has cat eyes
that would be evil...xD

22. has a cool name
TJOA shze hui

23. no. 22's love interest.
dots...

24. no. 12's love interest.
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. i cant stop laughing!!!!!!!!!!

25. no. 18's love interest
dots...#22 same as #18 xD

26. no. 11's love interest
dunno

27. no. 13's love interest
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
MENGSHI? NOWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

28. no. 21's love interest
whatt??

29. loves purple and pink
havent come across anyone like that...

30. who'd you like to stab this quiz on.
haiyah.

<3 sho

2006-09-25T21:23:00.000+08:00

Miin's quiz (see how wuliao i am now):

skin colour: i tan easily. gimme half an hour under the sun. thats all it takes.
hair colour: uh. black.
eye colour: black. how boring xD
clothes now: school blouse and pe shorts. havent changed since i got home.
wardrobe colour: i dont really take notice.

seven memorable things this month:
1. my birthday xDDD
2. orals. ok not really lah.
3. having new perspectives of those from the hwa chong programme.
4. understandings
5. late night convos x))
6. new seating arrangement xD
7. a new me.

six people u talked face to face this week ( i mean as in really properly chat not just passing comments) and the week has hardly started so i shall use last week xD
1. rachel!!
2. mengshi
3. charmaine
4. 5 110 people (hey theyre nice okay)
5. steffie!
6. wu laoshi (my nice tuition teacher xD)

five things you bought recently:
1. oishi crackers xD
2. tolberone xD
3. donut xD
4. instant noodles
5. heaven and earth tea drink

why all food related one harh??

four people you saw today:
1. charis
2. mrs siva
3. lishan (-.-)
4. emily

three people you want to talk to now but cant
1. edwin (he's a nice guy :) despite being lame and all xDDD)
2. fuying. so i can conspire with her hehehehe.
3. steffie (so i can know more about gym xD)

two things on your mind now:
1. eois. pfft what a subject to be thinking of.
2. and how my friendships at school are falling apart and how i dont really seem to care.

1. grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18 and find line 4
the page's blank! hahaha!
2. stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
my wallet xD
3. last thing you watched on TV.
uh...the news?? cant rmb.
4. without looking guess what time it is.
4.36?? *glances briefly at clock* aiyah i missed by 1 minute xD
5. the actual time??
4.35
6. what can you hear with the exception of the computer??
birds chirping?? and the wind chime.
7. when did you last step outside?what were you doing?
i was at school xD then i took bus home??
8. what did you look at before you started this survey?
some chinese book im supposed to do a review on.
9. what are you wearing?
school blouse with pe shorts.
10. did you dream last night??
might have...but i forgot.
11. when did you last laugh?
smsing edwin??
12. what is on the walls of the room you're in?
pictures, clock, white paint?? oh yeah and aircon xD
13. seen anything weird lately??
yesterday's MASSIVE DISPLAY. haha dora xD
14. what do you think of this quiz?
okay lah. why?
15. what is the last film you saw?
devil wears prada.
16. becoming a multi-millionaire overnight,what would you buy?
personal.
17. tell me something about you that i don't know.
alot of people dont know alot of things about me. except for a handful.
18. what is one thing you would change about the world?
im not ready to answer this question yet.
19. do you like to dance?
generally, no.
20. George W Bush... american?
DUHDUH
21. if your first child is a girl,what do you call her?
will i even get married in the first place?? or can i?? im not sure.
22. if your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
ditto of qn 21
23. have you ever considered living abroad?
yeah, but that was all a fantasy
24. what do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
uh...i dont control what God says, but i guess a "welcome my child" would suffice. hee
25. 6 people who must do this in their journal or blog.
HAIYAH...

<3 sho

2006-09-17T09:22:00.000+08:00

List 100 facts about yourself:

1. My name is Shona.
2. I am from rgs.
3. I am a waddlian and judoka
4. i am boring. this is boring.
5. sick minded, i am
6. changing the sentence structure is quaint and interesting xD
7. christian.
8. but not as devoted as some people
9. my chinese name is very common.
10. i dont like my chinese name x(
11. but my english name is quite unique!
12. so far it is.
13. right??
14. YES LAH.
15. my english name always gets underlined in red on microsoft word xP
16. i dont understand why i used to crushed idiots like joosh and jota. and tom. thats a really stupid name. i hate him. stupid naive 15 yr old. poo!
17. i dont like red cross.
18. sorry to those in red cross.
19. i secretly think UGs are boring. except GB maybe.
20. i didnt like it when weiqing expressed her disgust when she found out that GB and guides originated at the same time.
21. but ohwells what could i say.
22. i dont like people who write cool. as in"hey guyz" or have alot of unecessary uncute irritating emocons on msn.
23. i think i am ugly
24. and overly-sensitive.
25. no. to be exact, im overly-sensitive to a few people whom i think can tolerate my overly-sensitiveness.
26. i use my judo pants for aikido. coz my aikido ones are dropping xP
27. i can be really rude and assertive
28. people who have known me for a long time seldom see me would notice that i grow less and less polite over the years.
29. my mum expects me to greet her when she comes home. not just "hi", but "good evening" or "hello mummy". i think a "hi" is sufficient. shes lucky if i say hi coz most of the time i dont say anything.
30. i dont believe in being polite to my sister.
31. i know i am a mean person ><
32. im begining to wonder if i should actually quit judo
33. but im so lousy that no other sports cca would accept me.
34. this is sad.
35. i am in waddle house comm!
36. i bet i play a very insignificant role in the house comm.
37. i sit next to rachel!
38. i enjoy mengshi's company.
39. i personally prefer mengshi and all the other not-so-popular people in class to the squealey and popular ones. not referring to shzehui.
40. i like shzehui!
41. i miss shuqin and miin. for some stupid reason.
42. i am doing lit pt now. im bored to death as usual.
43. im pissed with my sister for taking the phone coz my dad told me to take it and sms him when i got to my friend's house (later this afternoon gtg for lit pt meeting). and i cant tell my dad that sister took the phone coz she'll get in trouble. stupid idiot.
44. i dont like judo.
45. seriously i dont. unless its slack groundwork.
46. i rather go suffocate in guides than go for judo. ok maybe not lah.
47. i seem to be very bitter towards UGs.
48. i like kim tae hee!!

49. aint she pretty??
50. she made me start liking korean dramas xD
51. i have many contacts on msn but i dont talk to 75% of them
52. so whats the use of having so many,
53. its just called being extra.
54. and its called having connections!
55. acting blind is not fun.
56. for some reason my fingers smell like vomit.
57. i watched devil wears prada and liked it
58. i think my group (ladders xP)for leadership camp is much better than 111 in terms of unity. and we oly ust met the day itself okay!
59. i used to hate nygh. but now theyre okay lah xD
60. i dont like it when miin rambles on about her bf.
61. simply due to the fact that im not interested at all
62. 7-11 has lost its appeal. to me lah.
63. my complexion sucks.
64. i think yingyue can be a nice person. but of course she'll deny it lah
65. rachel is a nice person! and cute too.
66. i like my seating arrangement.
67. i think steffie looks like a beaver.
68. i think middle names are cool!
69. i dont understand the purpose of a middle name tho.
70. i think yesterdays ICCS was quite crap.
71. i walked across the road barefoot yesterday
72. i get worried easily
73. did you know that im the last person in my batch to sit for oral.
74. i hate orals.
75. my mum is annoying.
76. ive written to a celebrity and gotten a reply before.
77. dont believe right??
78. it is true.
79. ive also seen a dead person who commited suicide before. as in the dead body.
80. it was freaky.
81. i like horror movies but i always get scared
82. i watch it knowing that i'll get scared,
83. but i still watch
84. philo is weird.
85. i cannot stand it when people take on a positive attitude towards philo.
86. and i have no idea why
87. when i was young i couldnt pronounce the word "glucose" properly. so it came out as "lucas".
88. i have a weird memory. i can remember things that i said when i was 3.
89. i didnt like p4.
90. and p4 ws supposed to be the funnest year.
91. i ususlly prefer the more hectic years than the funner years.
92. i am weird.
93. i was from scgs before i went to henry park
94. i dont like telling people im from ***. coz their impression of me might change.
95. i hate it when relatives tell me im smart. just because im from rgs.
96. so what. i may also be the stupidest in rg right!
97. ok i shall smile now xDDD
98. i wanna get my ears pierced x(
99. i like doing quizzes!
100. yay!

<3 sho

2006-09-14T20:41:00.000+08:00

hello!

This is my 111th post! listen to that oneeleveners xD

i dunno what to blog about lorh.

so i shall just do useless things.
like quizzes.

here goes:

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child.
Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded.
You cherish all of the details in life.
Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

How Is Your Inner Child?

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"I can pass this guy."

What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?

Your Mood Ring is Yellow

Imaginative
Wondering
Thoughts
Peaceful

Mood Ring Generator

Your Inner Blood Type is AB!

Your personality is hard to define - you're very unconventional.
And even if your personality could be defined, it would be completely different next week!
Outgoing and shy, sensitive and thoughtless, you tend to have a very split personality.
This makes you unpredictable. You can be a total angel - and a total devil.

You are most compatible with: everyone!

Famous Type AB's: Jackie Chan and Marilyn Monroe

What's Your Inner Blood Type?

In a Past Life...

You Were: An Albino Belly Dancer.

Where You Lived: Thailand.

How You Died: Decapitation.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

what the hell lah.

what is decapitation anyway.

*confused*

<3>

2006-09-11T21:10:00.000+08:00

haha another of shzehui's quiz!

i enjoy doing boliao quizzes. -.-

Name 24 people at the top of your head:

1. weiqing
2. shuqin
3. shzehui
4. miin
5. sophia
6. mrs siva
7. charis
8. limin
9. shitien
10. yidan
11. adeline
12. nicolette
13. eddy
14. kezia
15. dora
16. yimin
17. baobi
18. cheryl
19. van
20. kristy
21. priscilla
22. vionna
23. yashan
24. fuying

1. Is no. 9 single? (shitien)
haha! yes...i cant imagine shitien getting married!!

2. would you date 20?? (kristy)
uh...according to yimin kristy very ugly alrd. i dowan xD haha kristy dun take it to heart

3. is 17 a guy or girl? (baobi)
girl duh

4. have 15 and 2 ever dated? (shuqin and dora)
HAHAHAHA dora and shuqin are not the dating sorts. aiyah dora so blur i dun think she knows shuqin anyway x)

5. are you older/younger than 3? exactly how many months and years? (shzehui)
younger! xiao meimei! uh by 7 months

6. have you seen 7 naked?? (charis)
uh, yeah she's my sister??

7. where does 19 live?? (van)
uh dunno leh. probably near her oldold primary sch (anderson primary)

8. when was the last time you saw 12? (nicolette)
haha thats a funny question! last year in march!

9. ever watched a movie with 5? (sophia)
no, but i invited her to one but she couldnt come ):

10. how tall is 23? (yashan)
taller than me! 160+. yashan be honoured!

11. do you love 16? (yimin)
yimin is a GIRL for goodness sake. like, but not love xD

12. do you go to the same school as 14? (kezia)
haha yeah

13. have u ever had classes with 11? (adeline)
yepps! in p4!

14. where was 21 born?
uh...singapore??

15. have u ever hugged 18?? (cheryl)
she hugged me xD i dont think i hugged her back tho ><

16. what's 8's middle name? (limin)
limin got middle name meh?

17. is 13 a nice person? (eddy)
uh...not bad lah :)

18. would you rather 1 die, or you die. (weiqing)
harh...weiqing arh . neither die can??

19. is 4 older than you? (miin)
no, im older xD

20. would you kiss 24? (fuying)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

21. have you ever swum with 16? (yimin)
haha no, only trained judo =D

22. when's 10's birthday?? (yidan)
1st nov!

23. have you ever been to a party with 19 or 17?? (van and baobi)
neither of them.

24. are 22 and 24 good friend? (vionna and fuying)
okay lah i suppose

25. would 3 and 7 make a good couple?? (shzehui and charis)
wahahahaha. nah but theyre friends =)

26. has 15 ever given you a birthday present? (dora)
haha, no. shes not the present-y type.

27. how long have you known 13? (eddy)
uh...since my birthday. about 2 days ago

28. if 5 and 19 were drowning, who would you save?? (van and sophia)
haah both of them can swim! so i will just stand there and laugh. how evil xP

29. will 2 be willing to kiss 6? (shuqin and mrs siva)
haha NO. mrs siva's married with a kid anyway =P

30. pass this on to 3,4,7, 16,18, 22,23 (shzehui miin charis yimin cheryl vionna yashan)
shzehui's done it and i dun think cheryl visits my blog. and vionna doesnt have a blog and i think yashan closed hers down. so i'll replace them with yidan, nicolette, adeline, priscilla xD

<3 sho

2006-09-10T10:10:00.000+08:00

hello...shzehui's quiz...

Seven things that scare me:

1. the dark (yeah i know im a wimp)
2. graveyards
3. lack of confidence
4. disappointing my parents
5. letting my friends down
6. "boo!"
7. exams!!!!!!!!!!

Seven things I like the most about myself

1. myself?? even tho im weird and extra and have bad complexion and weird temperaments. i still like me! xD
2. my watch! ive worn it since september 2003 and it has become my xing ying bu li de hao peng you =D even tho its faded and all coming apart
3. evil laughing
4. being mean to shzehui >< haha no lah

Seven most important things in my room

haha since i dont have a room to myself i shall just use my study table xD

1. my photos!!! see im very ego rite -.-
2. my phone!! materialistic...
3. bible!! i havent read it for a long time better go do it soon.
4.old letters. priscilla, in case ur reading this and if you dont know i still have your very short letter you gave me on rhd hehe. oh i also have a letter from daniel radcliffe. im not lying i can show you xD
5. pimple cream -.- dont ask me why i need it
6. stuffed toys (the one qing gave me...remember the dog??)
7. my presents!!

seven random facts about me:

1. i feel scared in foreign places
2. i tear easily. awww ):
3. i love my watch!
4. i love my friends! but i am very bias--i am especially nice to those whom i really love =)
5. i hate/like judo depending on the situation.
6. i used to think the judo seniors were dao ><
7. i wanna go to church!!

Seven things I would like to do before I die

1. FIND A CHURCH and make my whole family believe in christ.
2. help all sleeping christians
3. revive 111
4. work in shenton way xD i dun wanna work in government bodies...
5. see all my old friends?? as in the oldold ones
6. try to be nice xD
7. find myself

seven things i can do

1. get pissed over things that happened years ago (like this moring xD)
2. be rude to my parents ><
3. say sorry and thankyou consecutively (haha!)
4. laugh like a maniac
5. sneak out of the house without my mum's knowledge (but with my dad's knowledge)
6. call people up and chat about fairly random stuff. but NOT guys.
7. poke people unsuccessfully -.-

seven things i can't do

1. act cute!
2. randori
3. talk to seniors like how yanlin does. she's a natural at socialising
4. understand philo
5. blend into the crowd
6. be a fake (after a while i lose it. which is good right??)
7. control the way i eat junk food xD))

seven things i say the most:

1. oh my gosh
2. no what
3. shuddup lah you!
4. aiyah dowan lah
5. hee im very happy!
6. orh okay
7. bahbye!

Seven people i would like to see do this:

1. weiqing!
2. yidan!
3. yimin
4. shuqin
5. miin
6. grace zhang??
7. my sis =)

<3 sho

2006-09-09T22:26:00.000+08:00

TH1RT33N!!!!!

im happy like a bee!!!

i can officially watch pg-13 shows!!

whooppee!

and i dont have to lie on the internet about my age!!!!!!!!!

yeahoooooooooooooooooooo!

ok i think im slightly, no, very high. although im quite tired xD)))))))))

<3 sho

2006-09-07T21:59:00.000+08:00

1 day, 18 hours, 7 mins.

its nice to lick peanut butter off a spoon.

its nice to eat milo powder until ur mouth is sticky.

its nice to wolf down bags of ruffles chips x)

its nice to eat old chang kee stuff!

its nice to drink bubble tea!

but its not nice to look in the mirror to find...
you face loaded with zits.

diao.

<3 sho

2006-09-06T22:35:00.000+08:00

2 days, 17 hours, 32 mins.

yeahoo! moving closer to 13! once im 13 i dont have to lie about my age when im signing up for email accounts or whatever anymore!

haha!

today went with miinshuqingshzehui to westmall to watch devil wears prada. a reli bimbo movie, nice fashion (but i dunno how to appreciate xD) and basically nice movie. haha that's 2 hours summed up into 1 sentence!

i feel very high and happy. oh thats alliteration! high and happy!

whatever. xD

i still feel very bad tho. for the magnetic earrings from miin and the necklace that shzehui is going to get me (but im trying to stop her from doing so) and weiqing's bday present (apparently its a necklace too) and whatever shuqin is gonna get me. i sound like im being ungrateful and that im taking things for granted but nonono im reli not!!

i dunno how to describe my feelings towards my friends right now. i just feel ike i want to hug all of them and crycrycry.

sigh. this has been my best birthday so far.

haha i sound like a 4 yr old! and shzehui says im getting older -.-

<3 sho

2006-09-05T18:06:00.000+08:00

as of now...

3 days, 20 hours.

whoohoo!

and. some. people. just. piss. me. off.

you know who you are. no im not referring to my, ahem, girlfriends.

<3 sho

2006-09-01T20:41:00.000+08:00

hey!

It's September already!!

I'm gonna start a countdown. to my birthday, duh =D

7 days, 20 hours, 2 mins.

yay.

<3 sho

2006-08-31T20:36:00.000+08:00

hey!

went back to primary school today.

i have nothing to talk about lah. basically it was kinda like a disappointment. the only thing that pleased me was the food. and that Zydney crazily went to eat from every stall there coz he claimed that "RI food sucked".

anyway we played bball (as usual). apparently people like jaira havent changed their ways coz he's still as ego and rude and whatever as last time.

even though i may not like miin all the time but i think jaira should seriously stop making miin feel like she's a freak. the things he says are really degrading, like: never throw the ball to miin. she always screws up. well, the thing is, he's never screwed up before??

well i think at the end me and qing felt quite fed up. so much for bonding and being united. we felt that the whole aim of coming back to henry park was to see teachers (duh) and play basketball. no long chats in the class. just head straight to the basketball court and start the game. we girls also felt quite useless with the guys playing coz they were so pro and tall that even if we werent there it wouldnt make much of a difference.

so my point is, we arent united at all. those who actually do miss henry park people (like esther and daniel and other ppl) are those who were accepted into the "cool" crowd. so that's what they call feeling united. coz the cool crowd ruled it all, and if u were accepted by them, then u would say that 6G 6H 2005 was UNITED. well if u look at it from an unaccepted person's (ie me and qing) perspective, henry park P6 gep 2005 was really not united at all. we were all divided into cliques, like the "cool" crowd (mainly a few girls who COULD mix with the guys), the bimbo girls (ie, us), the "nerds" and the soft spoken people. the two classes were united in the sense that we did everything together, shared the same teachers, and were "all in this together". but on the other hand we are not really united united, coz we were all broken up.

and 111 is the opposite. we don't have cliques in class, which makes us "united", but yet we don't have this "we're all in this together" feeling as a class.

sigh. i hate to angst, but ~~i feel that henry park P6 gep is quite screwed up.~~

<3 sho

2006-08-30T15:10:00.000+08:00

Hello!

here's the photos from house camp! see i didnt forget xP

the outside. of the chalet lah.

people barbequeing stuff.

i TRIED to take picture of seet...

planning for 2007 =)

me and...SOPHYAR -.-" ok lah the name's sophia.

the eeeevil cupboard! haha the one yikai opened and got a big shock. coz the safe box door was "bouncable" so went yikai opened the cupboard the safe door sprang open at her! xD

YIKAI =D

i tried to take picture of a plane flying across the sky (we were camping at tanah merah). I heard at least 15 planes fly across the sky over two days. can't believe shi-tien lives in such a nice place. dunno leh i just find it cool x))

and i forgot that i didnt upload the judo photos. from a very long time ago.

Priscilla!

ok i very sian alrd. bye!

<3 sho